Contact
by For my other me
Summary: Logan wished someone would pay attention to him for once
1. Chapter 1

"Kendall?" I whispered, staring down at my best friend in his bed.

"Hmm?" He muttered, not opening his eyes. It had been a long day at the studio and we had all gone too bed early, tomorrow was another long day.

"Can I get in with you?"

It was a question I hadn't asked him for years. When we were young in Minnesota and we had sleepovers, I would get terribly homesick. The first time I couldn't sleep for hours and the following morning I broke down as soon as my mom came to pick me up. Little eight-year-old Logan found it scary to be in someone else's house, which held different ghosts that I wasn't used to.

I kept off sleepovers for as long as I could, or I would suggest my three friends stayed at my house, but a few months later came Kendall's birthday and we were invited to stay the night. I was terrified going into it and I was nervous the whole day, thinking about the night.

We piled into Kendall's room and stayed up late talking each other ghost stories, until we were too tired to keep our heads up. James, Carlos and Kendall fell asleep quickly, while I curled up in my sleeping bag and jumped up at every scary sound I heard. I wanted to go home, sleep in the room next to my parents' and feel safe.

I was ready to give up when Kendall crawled out of his bed and crouched down next to my pillow. "Logie? Are you scared again?"

"Y-Yes," I whimpered. Maybe Kendall could tell his mom to call mine so she could come get me home.

"Come," He whispered to me, pulling on my arm. I struggled to get out of my sleeping bag and followed my much braver friend back to his bed. We got in together, facing each other. "Now I'll protect you," Kendall told me. "Do you have nightmares?"

"Sometimes."

"Katie does too, then she sleeps with me or with mom and she's not scared anymore."

"Oh."

"So maybe this helps for you too. Are you feeling better?"

"A little bit."

Kendall tugged at the blanket until it was over our heads. "I sleep with the blanket over my head when I'm scared," He explained. "It's a shield, nothing gets through when you're under it. Sometimes I read like this too, with a lantern, no one can see it."

"I read with a lantern too," I replied, not feeling so left out anymore.

"It's cool, right? Like you're in a tent. When I went camping with dad we always used lanterns."

Kendall's dad died in a car crash when Katie was a baby, but he never much talked about him. "Camping is cool," I said uneasily, not knowing how else to respond.

"I was never scared when he was still here," He whispered, eyed wide and his voice way softer than before. "But now I am sometimes. And I miss camping in the woods."

"I can ask my dad if you can come with us?" I proposed. "We'll share a tent and a lantern!"

Even in the dark under the blanket I could see him grin. "I would like that."

I fell asleep easily that night. Every single sleep over we would crawl in one of our beds and talk long after Carlos and James had fallen asleep. It helped me greatly and I knew Kendall enjoyed it too, or he would stop initiating it.

As we grew older sleepovers got fewer and it didn't happen as much. The last time I remembered we were fourteen and we'd been on our first double date. My parents were gone for a weekend so I stayed at the Knight's. The date had been fun, besides that I didn't know how to interact with the girl I was on a date with. I never had as much fun with girls as I had with my friends, as I had with Kendall.

I told Kendall that when we were under the blanket and he told me that he knew, and that it was okay. At that time I thought he'd been talking about the date and girls, but when I later learned that I was more interested in guys because I was attracted to them I saw what he told me in a different light. Kendall had known before me, he had accepted it before I even realized it myself.

We moved to LA and we lived together, so sleepovers were unnecessary. I shared a room with Kendall for three years and I never again felt the need to get in next to him. Apartment 2J had felt more like my hone than any other place before. I missed my mom and the life we had in Minnesota, but I had all my friends with me, and mama Knight and Katie made a great surrogate family. It was good.

"Uh, sure," Kendall muttered sleepily and pulled the blanket back so I could get in beside him.

I did, marveling at the warmth another person brought. Kendall turned onto his side and slung his arm over my side, quickly falling back asleep. I closed my eyes and focused on the heavy arm that held me down. It was soothing, warm and safe. Things I missed out on the past few years.

Eighteen-year-old Logan had different reasons for sharing a bed with someone than fourteen-year-old Logan had. It used to be a comfort thing, something because I was feeling bad and needed someone close for a while to feel better. Now it was different, I got over my homesickness and I wasn't scared of nightmares any longer.

I just didn't want to feel alone anymore.

The last months had been difficult on that front. All my friends suddenly had girl friends and we didn't hang out as much anymore, or they brought the girls and I turned into a seventh wheel. It was just sad and whenever they decided to catch a movie I rather passed than tag along. Besides that clingy couples were just really annoying, I was jealous of them all. More than anything I wanted to hold someone's hand, lean against someone's side and exchanged sweet words and kisses.

I wanted to not be alone for once.

Kendall snored softly and I felt it was safe enough to get closer to him. It was just for now, I told myself, just this night with another person next to me. I pressed my back against his chest and closed my eyes, feeling blood rush to my face when Kendall's arm tightened around me.

This was good. For now it was good.

* * *

I woke up the following day when Kendall was already gone. That was strange for him; he never got up early. I shrugged it off though, it was probably better he was up. This way I wouldn't have to explain what I was doing in his bed and why I wanted another person close so badly. It had been a good night though, I realized when I sat up and didn't feel the usual soreness in my shoulders and back. We had to go back to the studio for another day of recording and dance practice, tour was coming up and according to Gustavo we weren't nearly ready yet. A good night's sleep would help deal with his nagging.

I saw Kendall again when we all piled into the car to get to the studio. We'd passed each other while getting ready, but since we were late we didn't really talk. He acted perfectly normal around me though and we goofed off watching James and Carlos bicker. Nothing told me he was bothered by my sudden appearance at his bed tonight and I was glad. I had anticipated some kind of cold treatment of ignorance from his side. Maybe he wouldn't even mind if I did it again, should I feel the need to... No. One night, that was what I'd allowed myself.

The day passed smoothly. We only got yelled at by Gustavo twice, once was all James' fault because he refused to wear a certain shirt for a picture and the second time we apparently weren't in tune with the music. Whatever that was supposed to mean. I caught Kendall staring at me a couple of times, which he didn't stop doing until some noise made him look up or someone bumped into him. He looked completely out of this world and I wondered why, it was a bit unnerving.

Almost as soon as we got home Jo showed up and the two of them went off to get

smoothies. Lucy came over too and James took her to his and Carlos' room, giving us a look that told us not to follow. Until dinner I tutored Carlos in algebra, almost losing my patience after realizing he'd never taken the effort to even learn the basic rules. It was fine though; he got it just before I exploded.

We ate together and again I noticed how much Kendall looked at me, even when I wasn't talking and while his girlfriend was sitting right next to him. I tried not being bothered by it too much, but I got the feeling he had something on his heart that he didn't know how to talk about.

After dinner Kendall walked Jo back to her apartment, which almost always meant he wouldn't come back until an hour later. Stuff, was what he answered when we asked him what he had been doing, which always had James and Carlos smirking while I looked away.

That my friends were having sex was great for them, I just felt better not knowing about it. Carlos said goodnight after grabbing his bag and left to spend the night with Stephanie, something he'd been doing a lot lately. I was happy for him, this was his first serious girl friend ever and she was so good to him. She was slightly older and I overheard Carlos talking to James one night about how she had more experience, but James stayed really calm under it and told him to just be honest and be himself, because that was what she had fallen for in the first place. I was surprised how understanding he was and didn't make fun of Carlos. He was really good to Lucy. For the first time he was acting like himself around a girl, like we knew him to be. After he finally managed to make her like him, they fell in love fast and I'd caught them exchanging really soft looks with each other. It was sickeningly sweet, but I loved it. That was what I wanted to.

Somehow, James' and Carlos' relationships felt more honest than Kendall's. I had no idea what it was, but it was as if their feelings for each other didn't go as deep. While James and Carlos often spent nights over at their girls', Kendall never stayed over at Jo's or took her here. They fought more too and it was so clear how annoyed my blonde friend was by that. I'd asked him if he wanted to talk about it, but he never really answered that question. Always finding some way around it. I thought it was odd, but it had never been any different so maybe that was just how it worked for them. Kendall and Jo had a lot of good moments too.

I went to bed before he got home; James and Lucy were watching a movie on the couch and I didn't want to wait until they started making out before leaving. It always happened. I was engrossed in a book and I didn't even notice Kendall came in until he snapped his fingers. "Earth to Logan."

"Oh, hey. Sorry, I love this book."

He cocked his head to read the title. "Inkheart? You've read that a million times."

"It's not any less good than the first time. This world Maggie lives in... I can't imagine how someone came up with that."

He chuckled and shook his head. "I can't imagine how you're still not bored with it after so many times."

"Thank goodness you don't have to read it."

"I didn't mean it that way," He said it apologetically. "I'm just amazed how you can get so passionate over a book."

"Oh. Sorry." I felt my cheeks getting red. I forgot sometimes how much of a fan girl I could be. "This one is exceptionally good."

"Hmm. Maybe I should give it a try sometime."

I felt like my eyebrows raised themselves off my forehead. "You're willing to read a book? For fun?"

"Well, you can't get enough of it, so it must at least be a little bit amusing," He said casually, while keeping his eyes on his phone.

I narrowed my eyes at him; feeling that something was up once again. "Are you sick?"

"What? Now I can't even show interest in what my best friend is doing anymore?" He had a small smile on his face, as if he was apologizing for intruding in my life.

"No, of course you can." I closed the book and held it out towards him. "Here, I'll start in the sequel."

Kendall grinned at me and I felt my heart skip a beat. This had never happened before. He took the book from me and sat on his bed while I got up to get the other book. By the time I was back in bed, Kendall had turned his back on me and had started reading. It had me smiling slightly, I hoped he liked it. It would give us something to talk about again and that made me feel strangely excited. I'd missed talking to him.

I never noticed how broad Kendall's back was, I thought as I watched him read, he couldn't be doing under for James. The blond was leaner though, from playing hockey, while James got buff in the gym. I found I appreciated that, the subtlety of strength over the obviousness of it. I felt it was more dangerous. Perhaps that was why James always backed off in fights with Kendall.

I felt my cheeks growing red the moment I realized this was my best bud and I was checking him out. Heck, I even thought he was attractive and a pleasure to look at! I quickly turned my attention to the book, pushing all those thoughts away. It was the result of feeling so lonely, of seeing how everyone around me had a steady, satisfying relationship with someone they really liked. I sighed, quickly feeling my mood drop again. I didn't want to feel like that anymore and I would love it to finally have something like they had. I wanted to have someone to stop watching a movie with to make out instead, I wanted to say goodbye to my friends to go spend a night with someone I loved, but most of all I wanted there to be a person just for me. Someone I could go to and share deep feelings with.

I put the book on my nightstand as soon as I figured I wasn't into it anymore. I was allowed to feel sorry for myself for a bit, after all there was no one else who would do it for me. I turned away from Kendall and closed my eyes. The sleep came to me easily tonight.

* * *

I woke up several hours later. I glanced at my phone for the time and wondered why it was so light in the room when it was this late. I turned around and saw Kendall fast asleep, one of his hands between the pages of Inkheart and his lamp still on. I smiled softly and got up. I carefully took the book and put a piece of paper between the pages so he could continue there later and then went to cover him with his blanket.

Kendall felt really warm I noticed when I touched his arm. I remembered how great that had felt last night, in his arms and against his chest. It wasn't a sticky, uncomfortable kind of warmth; it was soft and soothing, engulfing my whole body and not just the places where he touched me.

I couldn't resist it.

I took his arm and lay down under it, immediately feeling better. I lay on my side facing him and got lost in his heavy scent. This was the last time, I told myself. Kendall didn't mind or he would have said something about it today, but that didn't mean he would tolerate this every night.

I blushed when Kendall tightened his grip on me and his hand rested on my lower back. I saw James do that a lot with Lucy while they were walking and I'd always wondered what it felt like to have someone behind you, protecting you. I loved it. My eyes were falling, I felt so good. It was impossible not to get sleepy here. I put my cheek against Kendall's chest and quickly drifted off.

* * *

I slowly woke up the following morning, yawning wide before opening my eyes. Kendall was once again out of bed, but this time he was standing shirtless at his dresser. "Good morning," He said, smiling at me before taking his clothes and walking into the bathroom.

I was confused. That was his reaction? Not what the hell are you doing in my bed? Or dirty fag what do you want from me? Well, the last was a bit too much. Kendall was the not at all bothered by me being gay. James and Carlos didn't care either, but the two of them were always a bit hesitant around the subject. I was still wondering about it while I got dressed and started breakfast.

Nothing interesting happened the whole day and by the time I decided to go to bed -on Thursdays I always got the TV to myself because I followed the documentaries on Discovery about Gorilla's no one bothered to watch with me. Kendall had gone to see Jo on set and James and Carlos were doing who knew what who knew where. I always used to like these nights alone, but since I barely saw my friends outside of the studio anymore they'd gotten boring. I would much rather go to the arcade or hang out at the pool with them. Until a few weeks ago I went to Camille on the nights I really couldn't take the silence anymore, but that option was no longer open. She'd finally had her big break through and had gotten the main part in a big Canadian production. She moved to Vancouver.

I stared at the ceiling for a long time, thinking of something that would interest my friends enough to abandon their girls for a night to hang out with me. I didn't even think they noticed how much they were away or how often it was just me here with Katie and mama Knight. I loved both Knight ladies to death, but they weren't the company I was longing for.

I was getting tired and figured I should be glad Gustavo was working us so hard; this way I could spend more time sleeping.

I was already half asleep when I heard the door opening. I listened to the noises Kendall made while drifting off and was about to go under when I felt the blanket taken off of me and a large body sliding in behind me. Kendall curled around me and held me close, his hand now slowly rubbing my stomach. I had to fight to start purring in contentment, it would probably be awkward if he knew I was awake.

I wondered what this meant. Would this be a thing now? That one of us would sneak in with the other when they were asleep? No, that would be weird. Kendall probably had a fight with Jo or something and didn't want to be alone for the same reasons I didn't want to be.

Just when I thought he'd fallen asleep he put his head closer to mine on the pillow, he put his nose in my hair and inhaled deeply. He sighed softly and tightened his grip on me, crossing his arm over my chest. I kept really still and barely managed to keep on breathing. This shouldn't be happening, it was just sleeping together. But then I felt Kendall's lips against my neck; placing soft kisses to all places he could reach. I shivered involuntarily and he stopped, moving his head back to his own side. Did he know I was awake? Or was he afraid this had woken me up?

I kept pretending and knew he was out when I heard a soft snore next to my ear. I let go of the tension I'd been holding and closed my eyes. I realized I was getting a soft spot for my blond friend and it was probably better to put an end to this before... I didn't know.

Maybe I should propose to do something as friends. Maybe if I offered to pay he would come with me to see that exhibition on deep-sea animals... I've wanted to go for a while and I was ready to go alone, but Kendall was my best shot if I wanted to take a friend, he'd agreed to come with me to other exhibitions... Perhaps this was a good thing after all; maybe I would see him more often because of this.

* * *

We went to school on Friday and as usual I spent the whole morning trying to explain what we'd been doing to Carlos while I tried listening to Kendall helping James to correct him if he said it wrong. It was tiring, but I did it gladly. My friends tried their best, but none of them was into it. James had all his bets on the band and didn't expect to need to go to college to earn money. Carlos had honestly no desire to and would probably end up being a stuntman somewhere and Kendall still wanted to hockey, which was why he spent most of his Saturdays in the rink to practice.

It was okay though, with the amount of money we'd been making with the band we didn't really have to work. Ever.

It was a good day, I decided when neither James nor Carlos failed their homework assignments and Kendall even got an A-. I thought it was impressive how he kept up his grades while doing everything else he did. After Miss Collins gave us our homework for the next week she let us go early. I decided to just ask if they wanted to hang out. "Hey, do any of you feel like getting smoothies at the park?"

Carlos was gone before I'd even finished my sentence and I remembered I'd heard him say earlier that today was his three-month anniversary. At least he had a legitimate reason.

"Sorry buddy, I'm taking Lucy stargazing and I have to prepare a picnic."

I'd gone stargazing many times and James never once wanted to come with me, it was always too cold outside which was bad for his skin. It only hurt a little bit. "Oh, that sounds fun. See you later then."

I turned to Kendall hopefully, but the uncomfortable look on his face told me he didn't have spare time either. "Jo asked me to read lines with her and I've already put this off too many times, it really sucks."

Kendall looked genuinely sorry he couldn't go with me instead and for some reason that didn't make it easier. "Oh, that sounds lame," I said weakly. "Hopefully she won't make you do it for long."

"I hope so too. Maybe tomorrow? Those smoothies?"

I nodded. "Yeah, okay."

He smiled at me and left. Those smoothies would never happen.

I should never have asked. None of my friends has bothered to hang out with me if it wasn't a necessity, like needing help with homework or some other problem they couldn't solve themselves. Of course they wouldn't come for a smoothie. Instead I worked on my homework for the next week by the pool and helped mama Knight with dinner, which none of my friends showed up to. I could tell that Mrs. Knight was a bit disappointed by that; she'd always liked a full house.

I hadn't forgotten about my plan to ask Kendall to come with me to the museum, but I wasn't really feeling it today. Being blown off once was bad enough, I didn't need to be told he had no time the next ten years or so. This morning he was gone before me, and Kendall probably thought I never knew he was with me. He acted different today, more like he used to do three days ago. As if everything was normal.

I was overanalyzing this, I told myself. Kendall just thought he was doing me a favor by getting in bed with me. He would probably ask me soon if something was up and would expect me to tell him why I got in with him the first night. That wouldn't be all bad; maybe being honest about feeling lonely would make him spend more time with me. If only we could get our weekly movie night back I would be happy.

I would talk to Kendall if he ever started about it, I decided. He'd always accepted me and he would understand.

I crawled back in bed that night, feeling slightly better about this day and my life. Maybe I should try that silly dating app, Camille told me about. She used it to meet new people in her area to build a friendship. It probably wouldn't be so bad to swipe through some pictures to see if there was anyone to have a nice conversation with and go on a date with.

I followed my own advice immediately and installed it on my phone, swiping guys left and right until I could no longer keep my eyes open.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up from the light shining in my face. It was only six in the morning and I wanted to turn around and sleep more, if it wasn't for the fact that Kendall was there, still sleeping but with all his limps around me. It was the first time I woke up before him and I figured I should do what he did; leave before it got awkward.

I didn't feel like it though, I felt warm and cozy with his arm around my middle and it was Saturday, this was too early to get up. But Kendall had always avoided any interaction between us in the morning and I figured it was my turn to do so now.

I sighed and carefully distanced myself from him, sliding out of bed without waking him up. I grabbed a towel and went into the bathroom, hoping a shower would wake me up.

When I got back to our bedroom Kendall was gone, off to the rink. It stung a bit but I shook it off, not wanting to know exactly why I didn't like him running off. I checked my phone and was pleasantly surprised to see I had two matches on the dating app and they'd both started a conversation! I replied to them both feeling giddy and appreciated, before starting on breakfast. Mama Knight would like it to sleep in for a change and not be woken by Carlos knocking on her door at eight to get her to make breakfast.

Life went on like this for a week and by then I was utterly confused. Kendall came to my bed every night, but never did anything between us change during the day. I was worried about him, this wasn't like Kendall at all and I wondered what had changed.

But Kendall's life was still the same as it had been since we lived here. He had Jo and hockey, the band, his mother and sister. For him barely anything had changed, except that he was famous now and lived in California instead of Minnesota. I had no idea what he would be bothered by.

The thought to just accept things the way they were had crossed my mind, but I couldn't bring myself to. I was getting curious to what was going on and I felt the growing need to talk about it with him, but I didn't know how. Probably the easiest way was to do so when we were in bed together and both awake, but that would feel terribly awkward while we were so close.

I hadn't figured it out yet.

It didn't help that Kendall kept touching me and kissing me so gently really late at night. After the first night he crawled in my bed and kissed my neck, he'd done more of that. Sometimes placing his lips to my cheek, sometimes my forehead if we were face to face, sometimes my neck again. I found myself looking forward to those moment, Kendall's lips were really soft and they made my skin tingle.

Meanwhile I had been talking a lot with Rick, one of my matches. The other turned out to be a huge douchebag, but Rick was actually nice. He was tall, had slightly lighter hair than James and really nice blue eyes. In his free time he wrote for his school's newsletter and he liked to go on hikes.

But besides that his physical features were great, he was a really kind and heartfelt person. I'd given him my number after two days of talking on the app and we'd been texting a lot and even called a few times. I was in love with his voice and I'd agreed to meet him for ice cream tonight; we both loved the lemon flavor with whipped cream the best. A perfect first date.

I was looking forward to it, but I hadn't really told anyone yet. I felt nervous about doing so because it was my first real date here in LA and also the first with a guy. I'd kissed a few at parties, but never anything more than that and I hoped my friends wouldn't react too... Just not react in a not nice way.

I would do so at lunch. The past week had been especially busy and mama Knight had demanded that we would all be here at noon for a family brunch. That was great for me, because I didn't really feel like telling their girl friends about my date before I knew how it went.

I rubbed my sweaty palms on my jeans while I tried paying attention to a story Katie was telling me about. We were the first at the table, but the others would be coming soon and I was nervous. I really knew I shouldn't be, they'd never had a problem with me being gay, but I couldn't shake it off.

"Hey guys!" Carlos said cheerily when he came in and sat down in his usual spot on the other side of the table. About two years ago we had a huge fight about how I thought he should be eating with his cutlery while he told me off about trying to change his habits. We had never been allowed to sit close to each other again. "Katie, have you seen Justin's new hair cut? He looks even more like coconut head!"

The two of them started talking and I was glad I didn't have to pay attention anymore. I'd practiced what I would say, but I had forgotten the words completely. It didn't exactly help when James showed up and wanted to tell me all about his romantic night with Lucy. Usually I could barely feign interest, but now it was nearly impossible.

I was glad when Kendall finally came out of the bathroom after his shower and sat across from me, so mama Knight could finally serve the food. She led the conversation and asked everyone about his or her week, I managed to come up with enough to make it seem like I hadn't spent most of my time alone with a book.

"So what are your plans for today?"

That was my cue. James went first though; he would always grab an opportunity to talk about Lucy with both his hands.

"That sounds nice, James. Tell her hi from me, okay?" Mama knight said calmly, cutting him off after five minutes. "Who else?"

"I, uhm," I started. "I have a date tonight."

I jumped slightly when Kendall dropped his knife. My blonde friend turned down to pick it up and then I saw how his face had gotten three shades lighter in color.

"What? Who is this person?" James demanded to know.

"You don't know him."

"James, stop nagging. Our Logie is in love!" Carlos said excitedly. "Do we get to see him?"

"I guess I can ask him to come here if it goes well..."

"Yes! Is he nice?"

"Very."

"Is he bigger than me? I want to know what I'm up against in cause I have to hit him."

"James, you're not hitting him."

"Indeed you're not," Mrs. Knight said. "Logan, I'm really happy for you, sweetie. But be careful, okay?"

I nodded and smiled at her, for some reason knowing mama Knight approved meant more than what James and Carlos thought. "I'll call you if I need to."

"Good. Kendall, are you still eating here with Jo tonight? I would love to talk to her."

Kendall didn't answer the question. "I forgot I had to agreed to help Kelly pick out a photo for the tour poster. I'll let you know if we're here." He walked out before anyone could react, handling the door with a bit too much force.

I'd never seen him react this way to anything unless he was mad, but why would he be mad now? I didn't do anything to him! Whenever we were out in public he was the one pointing out guys I might be interested in and pushing me to ask their numbers. This wasn't like him at all.

"So Logie, do you have a picture of him? We've to know if he's handsome enough for you."

I rolled my eyes and couldn't help blushing when I took out my phone and showed Carlos his profile photo. "James he is way prettier than you are!"

"No, he's not!" My tallest friend shrieked and yanked my phone out of Carlos's hands. "No way, he can't pull that hairdo off."

James sulked about Rick for the rest of the day, while Carlos got increasingly excited and kept coming up with questions about him. I liked that at least one of my friends seemed to be genuinely happy for me, but Carlos's enthusiasm didn't weigh up against Kendall's obvious disapproval.

Kendall never showed up for dinner and I could tell mama Knight was worried about him by the way she kept glancing between her watch and the door. By now I knew he wouldn't come back until I had left so he could avoid me.

I left at seven. I'd agreed to meet Rick at seven thirty in the ice-cream shop in the mall, since we both liked that place best. I wanted to be there before him, somehow that made me feel comfortable.

I really hoped this would turn into something more. I wanted to finally take someone on double dates with my friends, I wanted to kiss and cuddle while watching a movie and I wanted to spend nights at his place to sleep together. I wanted to not be alone anymore.

I saw him come in before he saw me. It gave me some time to look him over. He was tall, probably passing James in height, but he was leaner, more like Kendall. His hair was lighter than on his picture and I liked that a lot. He also seemed to have a permanent friendly look on his face.

Rick grinned when he saw me and came over, sitting down across from me. "Hi."

"Hey," I said happily.

It was so easy. We talked and he made me laugh a lot. He was smart, not just book smart but also street smart and he was quick to catch on to things. I enjoyed it immensely that for once I didn't have to explain every word I said three times. We were on the same level on a lot of things and I could tell that he liked this too.

We each got the same coop, lemon ice cream with extra whipped cream and at some point got in a playful fight, which ended with a lot of whipped cream spilled. He was fascinated by the band and music industry and told me that whenever he heard a song of ours he liked hearing my part in it the most.

Rick insisted on paying and he brought me home. We walked upstairs in silence and I wished this date had been longer. "This is my place," I told him when we reach 2J.

"Nice door."

I chuckled and he grinned, reaching down to take my hands. "I had a great time."

I nodded, feeling my smile widen. "Me too."

"So, uh, do you want to meet again?"

"Yes, definitely."

He sighed in relieve and I found myself melting. "Good."

There was a moment where we just stared at each other and I couldn't think of anything I wanted more than to kiss him now, but I couldn't find the courage. I was glad that he wasn't as shy and leaned in; slow enough to give me time to back out had I wanted to. He was such a good person.

Kissing Rick was better than any other kiss I'd ever had and I lost myself in it until he stepped back. "Perfect," He murmured to my lips. "How could it be anything else?"

I blushed and leaned forward for another one. Rick hummed happily and pulled me closer by my hands, pulling away when we heard a noise on the other side of the door. I rolled my eyes, knowing exactly what that was. "Sorry, they're eavesdropping."

Rick just grinned. "I would listen in on my best friend too."

"Do you want to come in for a moment? They really want to meet you."

"Yeah, sure."

I opened the door and saw Carlos leaning against the wall next to the locker, twirling a pen and James by the table, looking at his nails. "Hi guys."

"We weren't eavesdropping!" Carlos said quickly and James looked like he wanted to hit him.

I rolled my eyes again. "Yeah, okay. This is Rick."

"Hi!" Carlos said and very enthusiastically shook his hand. "I'm Carlos and I think you're very nice."

"Well, we've only known each other for half a minute, but I'm sure you're fun."

"I am! Logan, I like him, he can stay."

James shook his hand as well and I could tell by Rick's expression that he was squeezing too hard. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise, I guess," He answered while rubbing over his red knuckles.

I glared at James. He wasn't supposed to be mean to my date. I would tell him off later. "Where's Kendall?"

"He didn't come back since he left after lunch," James told me. "Okay, I'm gonna go to Lucy's, see you tomorrow." James walked out after nodding towards Rick. He probably thought his point was made and he could lay off for now.

"I should go too," Rick said, tugging on my hand to pull me into a hug. "Call me tomorrow?"

"Yes, of course."

He smiled at me and leaned in, placing his lips on mine softly. I put my hands on his neck to keep him close, but remembered that Carlos was still here when he 'aww'ed' loudly. "Sorry," He said when he saw me look, even though he really wasn't. "I'll go to my room."

We waited until he was gone before locking lips again. It had been so long since I'd been kissed like this, so long since I'd been kissed in any way. I loved how his hands stayed on my middle, holding me close to his body. He felt warm and he smelt good, like something very familiar.

We were so lost that we didn't remember where we were until a door was slammed shut loudly. Rick jumped away from me and there was Kendall standing by the door with a very blank expression on his face. "Hi."

Rick recovered faster than I did. "Hey, you must be Kendall." The two of them shook hands and I hated it I couldn't tell what Kendall was thinking. Really deep down I knew that when he didn't approve, it would be really hard to keep dating Rick. I trusted Kendall's instinct more than my own. "Nice to meet you," Rick said eventually, even managing a smile.

"Nice to meet you too." Kendall turned to me. "I'm gonna lie down. See you in a minute?" He asked me.

I nodded and smiled at him, glad that he didn't go all James on Rick. I watched him walk away before turning to Rick again. "I think they like you," I told him.

"Sure? Because I think James broke my pinkie."

"He can't handle it that you're prettier than he is."

Rick grinned then. "You think so?"

I blushed and bit my lip, looking down. "Perhaps."

"You're cute," He whispered, lifting my chin to kiss me again. "But I really should go now."

I nodded and walked with him to the door. "I'll call you tomorrow," I promised him.

"And if you don't; I know where you live now," Rick joked.

He gave me one last kiss before walking away and I closed the door, leaning against it. This date couldn't have been more perfect. I had to call Camille, tell her what the dating app had gotten me. She would freak out!

My phone buzzed and I checked quickly, smiling once again when I saw it was Rick. 'Sleep tight, Logan. I know I'll dream of you.'

How was it possible that a single date did this to a person? I'd never crushed on anyone so hard before. Slowly I walked back to my bedroom, wondering how I would think of anything else ever again. This must be how the guys felt too and why they were with the girls so much. I understood now that I had it too, of course they wanted to be around their significant others as much as possible.

When I walked into the bedroom Kendall was already lying in bed. He'd finished Inkheart two days ago and now he was halfway Inkspell. Apparently he loved them. "Hey," I said.

He glanced at me. "Hey."

"Did it go well with Kelly?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah, sure."

"You don't sound very convinced."

"This isn't really a good day for me," He muttered, keeping his eyes on his book.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'd rather not."

"You know you can if you have to, right?"

Kendall nodded and I realized he'd rather not talk at all. I started my nighttime routine and got in bed as well, turning my back to Kendall and taking out my phone. 'I hope I will to,' I texted to Rick.

I closed my eyes and thought about my date. I couldn't wait to see him again; maybe we could go to the deep-sea exhibition! The exposition didn't end for a few more weeks, but that would hopefully give us an excuse to see each other soon. If I forgot where I was I could feel his hands on my back again, how they'd been gentle but applied just enough pressure to make my heart race. I could only think of one thing that felt better-

I felt the blood leave my face. No, that wasn't true. I shouldn't be thinking about that. It couldn't be that I liked those nights with Kendall better than feeling Rick's hands on my body. I swallowed heavily and turned around to glance at my blonde friend. He was holding the book above his face with one hand and the other was under his head. His chest slowly moved up and down and I recalled how it was the perfect height to rest my head on.

No. No, Rick was amazing. Our date had been incredible and how he'd treated me was so sweet; I could hardly wait to see him again. Kendall didn't weigh up to that, apart from his questions about my book last week we'd hardly spoken. He barely paid any attention to me the past few months. How could I even think of comparing the two of them!

I closed my eyes and started solving equations in my head to ban out all other thoughts, but it wasn't helping like it usually was. I couldn't stop hearing Kendall breathe. It took way too long before he finally closed the book and turned over, hearing by the way his bed squeaked.

I was ready to start over when I felt how the mattress dipped and Kendall lay down next to me, covering himself before pulling me against him. I stayed still, I didn't know what he was thinking, but to me this was over. I had someone now, a real person that wanted to kiss me and hold my hand. I didn't need this anymore.

But maybe, just maybe, this wasn't entirely about me anymore, I thought as Kendall put his lips against my forehead and ran his fingers up and down my spine. For Kendall to do something like this a lot needed to happen, it wouldn't be just to make me happy. A night or two he would've been okay with, but then he would've started asking question. That he hadn't and even started coming to my bed after that should have told me he needed this more than I had. Something must be really wrong with Jo and him.

I sighed when Kendall pulled away a bit, almost disappointed that he did. I wanted to ask him about this so badly, to know why he did this so I could react accordingly.

All of a sudden he was there again and after he hesitated for just a moment he placed his lips against mine. I'd thought my kisses with Rick had been the best ever, but I'd been so wrong. Rick had sparks, but Kendall's lips against mine felt like firework. Just as quick as it had started I kissed him back, wanting more of his lips, of his feather light touch on my back.

Kendall put his hand on my cheek to keep me close t nibbled softly on my bottom lip. I'd never wanted anything more than for him to keep kissing me. Why had we never done this before anyway? How could I ever think Kendall didn't compare to Rick?

Neither of us pulled away for a long time, I couldn't think of anything I would rather be doing than this until I could barely keep my eyes open. I pulled away a bit and looked up at him, wanting to tell him that we should go to sleep. But Kendall apparently understood and before I could meet his eyes he had his arm back around my middle and his chin on my head.

I yawned, drifting off almost immediately. Though not before thinking that we really had to talk tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

Jo was a really pretty girl, I thought to myself as I studied her from across the pool. Her hair was shining in the sun, she had a really soft looking sun kissed skin and even though she was short, she was really well proportioned. I could definitely see why Kendall chose to be with her.

He'd seen me looking at them, but tried really hard not to look over at me and give Jo his undivided attention. He felt guilty, it was so clear. Why else would he go out of his way to make her happy this morning? Kendall kept helping her, brought her things, bought her several smoothies and pressed little kisses to her head.

It was just as annoying as it had always been, but now it also hurt. I clearly wasn't good enough to do this kind of stuff with, or he wouldn't have left without a word again this morning. At first I'd been really sad, unconsciously I'd been hoping we would finally talk about what was going on so I would know what he was feeling and how to react to that.

Then I got confused. Did I want to be with Kendall? What we did at night felt amazing, but so far he had never shown any kind of romantic interest in me and I wasn't sure if I wanted to start anything like it with him. Our friendship was too valuable and I wouldn't risk it for anything.

The confusion turned into conflict as soon as I checked my phone and saw a new message from Rick. I had such a great date with him and he was an incredible guy, but now I felt like I cheated on him before we even started anything. This wasn't fair to him at all, he had treated me like royalty and he deserved nothing less than that either.

So my first conclusion was that anything that played between Kendall and me had to stop. He had a girl friend, I was dating a near perfect guy and nothing good would ever come from this, only more pain. I would tell him that tonight if he decided to come to me again.

But as I sat across from Kendall at the table I couldn't help but notice that his hair glittered after he had a shower and that he had really, really long lashes that touched his cheek every time he blinked and I wondered what it would be like to not have to sneak glances at him, but could just stare all I wanted because I had the right to. Kendall was good on the eye, not as pretty as James, but definitely handsome. I found myself preferring Kendall to James, probably because his kind of beauty wasn't as mainstream.

I thought of Jo and how she must feel if she ever found out. It wasn't like we went all the way, but this was still pretty bad. Kendall had always been the most loyal guy I knew, but this seriously hurt his reputation if it ever came out. It made me wonder if I was the only one or if there had been more before me. Maybe even another guy.

I didn't know, because this was nothing like Kendall. He never lied, he was always loyal and he never ignored anyone. If I couldn't talk to Kendall, I had to tell someone else. Someone who wasn't as close, but knew what our friendship was like and could advice me on what it was I should do now.

I would have to tell Camille.

After I called her I went down to the pool to think, only to run into Kendall and Jo by the cabanas. I thought they were in the park, but apparently Jo thought it was too hot and they came here. Because it was weird to leave immediately after I came, especially after I talked to them, I took one of the stretchers the furthest away from them and tried to drown in my book. I didn't bring the Inkspell book, now that Kendall was reading it I was reminded of him too much and Camille had advised me to stay away from him and focus on Rick.

She thought Kendall had some issues with Jo and their sex life; apparently the blonde girl had been talking to her too. Camille told me it would be better not to give in to Kendall, because he would keep coming to me for things he didn't get with Jo. It stung a bit that was all I was good for and that Kendall assumed it was okay to keep coming to me after the two nights I came to him -for comfort and nothing more.

What Camille said made sense and I decided that focusing on Rick was the best thing to do as well. So I stepped up my game and asked him if he was interested in a lunch date on Monday. Gustavo only needed Kendall and Carlos in the studio then, so James and I got the day off. He replied immediately that he thought it was a great idea and that he knew a cute little place near the beach to go to.

I felt my cheeks heat up when I saw the amount of x's after his message and I couldn't wait to see him again. I remembered how great it had been, how for once I had someone paying attention to me over anyone else. Kendall wasn't like that, he ignored me for days and I was only good enough to fulfill his sexual needs at night. I was better than that.

But as I watched from behind my sunglasses Kendall started rubbing Jo with sunscreen I couldn't help but notice how big Kendall's hands were and remember how unbelievably good they had felt on my middle as we'd kissed.

I shook my head and decided that I should leave the pool area after all. I had to forget about Kendall; yesterday was the first and last time. I had Rick now, who was incredible. Kendall was just using me to get what he wanted and I didn't deserve that.

As much as I kept telling myself that during the day, as soon as I felt Kendall's hands pulling me to him at night I couldn't resist curling closer and locking lips with him. It was only briefly, a few minutes at most, before Kendall pulled away and put his chin on top of my head like he did every night and we fell asleep.

* * *

Another week passed and I had three more dates with Rick; the lunch date on Monday and a movie Thursday night. It had been so much fun to hang out with him, to see someone smile because I was making them happy and not anyone else. We kissed a lot too, soft kisses and passionate kisses and everything in between. He made me laugh, he was sweet and treated me so well. But whatever I tried, I couldn't get Kendall out of my head.

Camille had warned me for this, how easy it was to believe Kendall wanted me and would hurt my feelings. She was probably right, but it was so hard to believe that Kendall would do that to me. The way he treated me was just too gentle and he never once tried going further than the few kisses we shared late at night.

I knew I was trying to right his wrong. My head knew we shouldn't be doing this and that I would end up hurt, but my heart felt this was real and the best thing ever. Feeling Kendall's hands on me sent my heart into overdrive, the way he ran his fingers over my spine warmed up my whole body and I couldn't for the life of me remember why it wasn't good. Everything about it was good and amazing and wonderful!

I'd even worked up the courage again to ask him to hang out. Nothing too much, I would try the deep-sea creature exhibition later, but I figured a few games at the arcade down the street wouldn't be too bad.

"Hey, Kendall," I said, feeling almost nervous. It was a ridiculously emotional reaction, I was talking to my best friend for crying out loud.

"Hey," He answered, not looking up from his phone.

"Do you maybe want to come to the arcade?"

"Oh, I told Carlos I would help him find a tux for his fancy anniversary dinner with Stephanie tonight."

"Oh." I bit my lip. Somehow I'd expected a much more positive answer. "Maybe after?"

"I have to meet Jo at four for her mother's birthday."

I kept quiet for a while to look at him; he hadn't once gazed up from his phone. Our interaction during the day stood in such a big contrast to those nights we had together. It felt like it wasn't even real.

Which was why I was distracted during my third date with Rick. The past night Kendall had been so sweet to me. It was so strange to be treated like that after being almost handled rudely during the day. I'd woken up from a nightmare -horror movies were not my thing and next time I would really not watch them alone- and Kendall was right there. He'd curled around me and tucked my head under his chin, then hummed softly until I fell asleep again. It had been the first night we made any kind of sound towards each other, but I could barely wait to have another nightmare now. His voice was so soothing and low...

"Hey, is something wrong?" Rick asked me worriedly.

"No! No. I'm okay, I just zoned out for a moment. What did you say?"

Rick looked at me suspiciously for a moment, before he started telling his story again. I almost sighed then, hoping I could go home soon. I'd been so into it the first time we went out, but the longer it lasted the more I wished it could be over. It wasn't Rick, I was sure of that. He was still the same incredible guy I met two weeks ago, who adored me and wanted to spend all his time with me.

It was that night that I decided I had enough. These nights with Kendall were affecting me too much and at the end of our date Rick had asked me how I felt about making us official. I wanted to say yes, that was what I'd wanted for months now. I wanted those looks James shared with Lucy, I wanted to feel the excitement I saw on Carlos' face whenever he was looking forward to a date with Stephanie, I wanted to sit by the pool with someone and rub them in with sunscreen.

So I told him yes, but that I wanted to wait a day or two before telling everyone because I needed to clear something up with someone first. He'd asked me jokingly if I'd been seeing someone else I had to dump, but behind his smile I saw he was truly worried about that. I laughed with him and avoided answering; I didn't know what to tell him.

I was in bed before Kendall as always, but this night I avoided turning off my night light for as long as possible so he wouldn't come over. It was past midnight when I finally did and put my book away, hoping he'd fallen asleep, but not half a minute later I felt the bed dipping. This was my cue.

"Rick and I made it official today," I said quietly, but my voice sounded like a cannonball being fired in the always quiet room. "I don't want this anymore."

I never got an answer, but the mattress lifted and Kendall was gone.

* * *

A few days later I was impatiently waiting for Rick to arrive. Mama Knight told me she would like to meet him in person and Stephanie told me she was curious too, which prompted James and Kendall to invite their girl friends too. The group of ten was now too big for the apartment, so mama Knight arranged a barbeque in the park.

Everyone was here already, but Rick got stuck at home and would be a bit later. I was more nervous for today then for our first date and I didn't really appreciate that he was late. Now he would have to present himself to a whole group instead of one at a time. He was braver and less awkward in front of people then I was, but he was no hero and this wouldn't show off his best side.

Maybe it was pretentious of me, but I wanted this to be perfect. I wanted everyone to see how much we liked each other and how great he was, I wanted him to be accepted into my little group of friends so we could all start doing things together again.

But most of all I wanted Kendall to see that Rick was good to me and that we were happy together, so he would stop ignoring me and accept the situation as it was now. That was what he'd been doing ever since I sent him away and I felt really bad about it. We hadn't talked much the past few weeks, but at least he would ask me how I slept in the morning or start a conversation with me during dinner. Even the cold, distant treatment I got sometimes was better than nothing at all.

I wondered if he would be hostile towards Rick. He hadn't been the first time they met, but if the way he was treating me was any indication he would kill the guy. It was nice to have a friend that looked out for you, I could deal with James being rude to Rick for that reason, but I wouldn't be okay with Kendall rejecting him as well. He had no reason to, he had no right.

I smiled when I saw Rick coming over and got up from my spot against a tree. "Hey."

"Hi Loges," He answered happily and leaned in to kiss me. "I'm so sorry I'm late, my mom-"

"It's fine," I told him. "We waited for you."

"Oh really? You didn't have to, I didn't want to cause any trouble."

I smiled at how he was immediately concerned for other people. Those naturally selfless people were rare and I really liked it about him. "You're the reason they're here tonight, they didn't mind waiting a few more minutes. I don't even think anyone noticed you're late."

"Alright then." He smiled at me and took my hand. "Who should I meet first?"

"Probably mama Knight, she set this up."

"Kendall's mother right?"

"Yes."

"I feel like I will forget a few details, help me out a bit, okay?"

"Of course."

I knew I had nothing to worry about considering mama Knight. She greeted him with a smile and a hug and asked him if he was hungry; she made way too much food again. Katie was great too; they bonded immediately over some video game she was playing. We sat with them for a while until Kendall put the first plate of sausages on the table.

We sat next to James and Lucy, which made Rick a bit nervous. The guy who immediately attacked him as soon as he met him and his rocker girl friend? To my surprise James was actually nice and I suspected Lucy had something to do with that, every time he said something that would almost be rude she pressed her nails in his arm. Carlos and Stephanie were just as friendly to him as they were to everyone and even Jo made an effort to talk to him and be nice while we ate.

Kendall wasn't at the table. He was working the barbeque as he did every time, but this time I didn't think it had anything to do with his love for cooking. I would sit next to him and Jo when mama Knight brought the cake, see how that would play out.

Rick slowly relaxed as the night went on and I saw that he was truly having a good time. After dinner we sat in the grass waiting for the cake and Kendall finally joined us, sitting down next to Jo who immediately attached herself to his side. We talked for a while and to my surprise Rick made the first move to go over and talk to him.

I was pleasantly surprised to see Kendall be nice to him. I had expected him to be rude after all that happened, but he and Jo were really cool and after my conversation with Lucy ended I went over to sit with them. Kendall hadn't spoken to me at all, but that he'd been so open to talking to Rick had to be a good sign, right? Maybe it was a peace offering!

"Hey, what are you talking about?" I asked them, sitting down next to Rick in the grass.

"I was telling Rick all about your darkest secrets," Kendall said. "He's taking it well."

"Which dark secrets? I didn't know I had any."

"Well, for example, that you can't stand the smell of cinnamon when you're eating pizza. Oh, and that you've an obsessive crush on Kit Harrington."

I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help blushing. I did like Jon Snow's scenes more than the others, though Loras Tyrell was doing great as well. "Those aren't really secrets."

Kendall shrugged. "We were exchanging fun little facts about you. I was very amused to learn that you've tolerated someone near you who isn't into math."

"I've tolerated you for years, Kendall."

That made Rick laugh and Jo grin slightly. "Ouch, Logie," Kendall pouted.

"Don't call me Logie."

"I think it's cute," Rick told me, placing a quick kiss on my cheek. "Logie."

I saw both Kendall and Jo looking away; Jo with a soft smile on her lips and Kendall with a scowl. Was he jealous?

"You guys are so sweet together," Jo told us. "Don't you think, Kendall?"

I felt Rick tense up a bit next to me, as if he knew how important Kendall's blessing was to me. I looked at my blonde friend, who was now staring at us thoughtfully. "Yeah, you're great, buddy," He said eventually, patting Rick's shoulder. "I'm gonna help my mom with the cake."

I watched him walk off as Rick put his arm around my middle to pull me closer. Jo left too and I dared to lean in a bit more, telling everyone we were together was different than actually showing it. "Kendall's opinion is important to you, isn't it?"

I glanced at Rick for a moment, then looked down at the grass and nodded. "I'm not sure why though," I told him.

"Kendall is your best friend and you've known him your whole life, it's not that strange you want him to agree. I feel the same way with my parents and my brother."

I'd seen Carl only briefly, but the brothers looked incredibly alike and Rick told me he'd always had a better bond with him than with any of his friends. "So they'll probably want to meet me too."

Rick shrugged. "They're really chill. My parents trust me enough to make a good choice. At some point they would like to meet you, but they'll approve no matter what."

"It's nice to have such an accepting family."

"Do your parents know you're gay?"

"My mom does. I haven't told my dad, but I also haven't spoken to him in years."

"I didn't know they were divorced."

"They aren't. My dad just doesn't talk to me, so I don't bother trying."

"That's sad."

"He's one of those people who was never meant to have children. It doesn't bother me anymore, I have good enough contact with my mother and here I have mama Knight and all my friends. I don't really need him."

"I guess it's easier with the amount of people around you who love you."

"Yeah, I guess." I hadn't really seen much of that love the last few months, but now Rick was here I really hoped to see more of them. It really got to me today, how lonely I had felt for so long. I loved it everyone was here and I hoped it would happen more from now on. It was getting summer anyway; more free time and more little hang out parties by the pool.

Just sitting here with an arm around me of someone who cared, watching my friends have fun, I felt better than I had in a long time. So much better that it brought tears to my eyes. I blinked them away and looked down, not wanting Rick to notice. As much as I liked him I didn't want to tell him what my life had looked like the past months. Our relationship wasn't on level 'emotional problems' yet.

Mama Knight and Kendall came back with a gigantic chocolate cake with chocolate icing and chocolate mousse filling. It was my favorite. "Lets get cake! This is the best ever," I told Rick, pulling on his hand to get him up.

He chuckled at my enthusiasm and followed me closely. Mama Knight was slicing pieces off and Kendall handed them out, making sure to give Rick and me first. We sat together in the grass and the others joined us quickly. Mama Knight and Katie left, giving us the space to talk freely. I'd missed hanging out with these people and I was sad to hear what they'd been up to the last few weeks; I wasn't in any of those memories.

It was fine though, I could forget about that. I would see more of them now. Rick and I could ask them to come on double dates and I would feel better going out with the whole group when I had someone of my own to talk to.

"You look really happy tonight," Rick told me softly, when the others were still laughing about some joke Carlos made.

"I get to spend time with my friends and my new boyfriend and eat my favorite cake in the whole world, this is the best night. Ever."

He chuckled and laced our fingers, then went back to listening to what James had to tell us. It was true what I'd told him, this was one of the best days I had in a long time, but it didn't have that much to do with the fact Rick was here and at the same time he had everything to do with it. I loved spending time with my friends again and I could have lived with it if he hadn't been here, but he was the reason they were all here tonight and I wouldn't want him to leave any time soon.

It got colder and everyone huddled together, which prompted Rick to put his arm around my waist again and pull me close to him. We hadn't displayed affection so openly before everyone before and it got mixed reactions; the girls were mostly endeared or not bothered by it like Carlos, while I saw James desperately trying not to look over too much and failing. Kendall hadn't looked over once since he came to sit with us; he'd given Jo his jacket but during the evening he'd moved further away from her.

I knew for sure that something was up. He'd been acting so strange and it bothered me, because before he spent all of his time with Jo he used to talk to me when he had a problem. It probably had something to do with Rick, or Jo, or the nights we spent together, or maybe all of it was connected but I couldn't put my finger on it.

That I couldn't figure it out was what bothered me most. It made me constantly think of Kendall while I desperately wanted to stop thinking of Kendall and what happened between us. I had Rick now, and Rick was amazing. He liked me a lot and he really showed it and that was more than I'd gotten from any of my friends in a long time. So it wasn't fair what Kendall was doing now, even though he was probably unaware of my annoyance.

"Guys, I can no longer feel my fingers, can we go inside now?" Jo asked, showing us her scarily white skin on her hands.

"Yes. Great idea," James agreed immediately. "Movie in 2J?"

Everyone agreed, except for Rick. "I'm going to pass, guys. I've to work in the morning. I had a great time with you though, I'm sorry to be such a party pooper."

"It was fun seeing you too! Do you want to come hang out with Stephanie and me at the beach Sunday? You can bring Logan if you want," Carlos said and for a moment I wasn't sure if he was joking or not.

"Uh, sure. Sounds fun, or do you have other plans?" He asked me.

I shook my head and smiled. "No, I would love to."

"We'll come too," Jo said quickly. "Right, Kendall?"

I saw him hesitating for a moment, but then he nodded. "Yeah."

"Great seeing you, man," James said, patting his shoulder. "I'm going inside now, the cold is not good for my skin."

Lucy rolled her eyes and followed him, the others said goodbye and left too. I walked with Rick to the lobby to see him out. "You've great friends," He told me.

"Thanks. I can't imagine what I would do without them."

"Can I ask you something? It's a bit strange."

"Sure. I can handle strange."

"Tonight didn't seem as much about me meeting them, but more about you seeing them. What's up with that?"

It wasn't an accusation, it was a really thoughtful observation and he hit home perfectly. I'd not forgotten how observant he was, but I guess I'd chosen to ignore it tonight. "I haven't really spent much time with them lately," I admitted, looking down at my shoes. "They're with their girlfriends a lot."

"None of them really seem like ignorant friends."

"They aren't, not really, all of them have asked me to hang out with them. I just choose not to."

Rick took my hand and pulled me to one of the sofas, sitting down next to me. "Why?"

"Because they always bring the girls and I don't feel like being the third wheel. I rather pass."

"So tonight was the first time you've hung out with them in how long exactly?"

"A few months," I mumbled. "Ever since Carlos got together with Stephanie and stopped forcing James and Kendall to spend guy time with us."

"I'm sorry," He said quietly, pulling me closer.

I put my head on his shoulder and allowed myself to wallow in a little bit of self-pity. I was a little bit pity worthy after all. "I really like spending time with you though."

"I like spending time with you too, Logie."

I almost blushed. When Logie was used as a pet name instead of a name to mock me with it sounded really sweet and I realized I liked it. "You don't mind going to the beach Sunday? I know Carlos can be a bit much."

"Are you kidding? I get to look at you while you're half naked in a socially accepted situation, nothing can stop me."

I chuckled. "Are you really, really, okay with it?"

"Yes," He told me honestly. "They're nice. And it's not just Carlos coming; I can handle it when there are more people he can focus on besides me. And I know that we'll be hanging out together a lot as soon as I stop being interesting."

"You'll never stop being interesting."

"Aw." He kissed me nose. "I'm glad you think that, but I hope they'll stop thinking it soon so I get more of these moments and less where I'll have to share you."

I smiled happily and leaned in to kiss him, liking it a lot when I felt his hands link together on my back to keep me close. "Start being boring then."

"I should, I shouldn't I?" He mumbled, barely moving his lips away.

I nodded, tangling my fingers in his hair so he would stop talking and keep kissing me. He did, probably liking it too that we finally got to. We'd always managed to find a little moment alone together after each date to lock lips, but tonight had been longer than expected and now I felt how much we'd both been looking forward to this.

I had no idea how much time passed when Rick finally pulled away and sighed. "As much as I love this, I really should be going home."

I nodded and pouted, which made him smile and pull me into a hug again. "I have one request for Sunday."

"Shoot."

"I get to take you to eat ice cream somewhere. Just the two of us."

"Deal. But Carlos will behead you."

"I'll keep that in mind," He chuckled, slowly pulling away. "I've to go."

"Okay. Text me when you're home."

"I will," Rick promised, and then stood up. I followed, wrapping my arms around his neck a last time. Now that he was leaving I realized I hadn't had enough hugs today and I didn't want to be alone yet. Rick didn't complain and hugged me back, placing his chin on top of my head. "Want to come over at my place somewhere next week? We'll cook together or something."

"I would love that," I told him, smiling at the thought alone. I loved that he didn't go for something ordinary as watch a movie or play video games. I was really lucky to have found him.

"Good. Check what day is good for you, okay? But don't let it be later than Monday."

I chuckled. "I'll see what I can do."

Rick grinned and kissed me quickly. "I'm going now. One more of those hugs and I'll never leave again."

I smiled. "Don't tempt me."

He chuckled and waved, then said goodbye and left. I was sad to see him go and almost wished he did wouldn't leave. I knew we weren't far enough along to be spending nights together, but cuddle under a blanket while watching a movie was something I really wanted to do in the near future. I wondered if I would be able to endure thrillers then, with someone to curl into when I got scared. Probably.

Slowly I walked back upstairs, my head lost in thought of Rick and the way his hands had felt on my back in a hug. So warm and inviting, how was it possible that I'd gone without that ever? I didn't even notice I was back in the apartment until the guys making annoying kissing noises pulled me from my thoughts. "Oh, shut up." But I couldn't help blushing.

James laughed at me and Carlos put a hand on his heart. "Our little Logie is growing up."

I rolled my eyes. "I am grown up, you two still have a few years to catch up on." Kendall chuckled and he smirked at me, before turning his attention back to the movie. I felt momentarily proud that I made him laugh, but then I shook the feeling. "I'm going to bed, have fun guys."

The girls all said goodbye and waved, the guys just went on watching. I went to my room and put on my pajamas, checking my phone as soon as I lay down. Rick's home was not that far from here and he was already there. He told me he'd loved tonight most because I'd been honest to him about feeling lonely and that I shouldn't worry about it too much. Girlfriends came and went, but friends stayed forever.

I couldn't fall asleep for a long time, even with the warm, fuzzy feeling in my chest from having someone in my life who liked me as much as Rick did. I listened to the vague sounds of the movie, then to James and Lucy leaving for her apartment and Carlos and Stephanie going into the next room. I thought Kendall had left to bring Jo home at the same time James left with Lucy, but after it had been quiet for a really long time I heard their voices in the living room.

I really tried, but they were talking too loud to force myself not to listen in. I'd learned a long time ago that eavesdropping on couples wasn't something I wanted to do; I always heard something I rather didn't know. "Why don't you stay over tonight? My father is out of town and my mother won't mind."

"You know, I rather not risk it," Kendall said, but the tone of his voice told me he wasn't being honest with her.

"Then why don't I stay here? I'll just tell him I stayed with Lucy for the night, they'll never figure it out."

"Logan is in a bed only 6 feet away."

"He won't mind, Kendall. Logan has Rick now, he won't be as jealous of our relationship anymore."

Was that what he'd told her? That I was jealous of their relationship? Why would he do that, I honestly wasn't! It would be a bit uncomfortable seeing Jo and Kendall in one bed, but as long as they weren't doing funny things I wouldn't object to it. Maybe that was what Kendall told her so they wouldn't be spending nights together like James and Carlos did with their girlfriends, he couldn't honestly know how I'd been feeling the past few months. He'd never been here to notice and he certainly didn't ask. I was also pretty sure I didn't talk in my sleep; it had to be the sleeping over thing.

"Still, Jo. I'm not comfortable with sharing a room with my best friend and my girlfriend."

"Or are you just uncomfortable sharing a bed with you girlfriend?"

"Don't be like that."

"I can't help feeling that when we haven't spend one night together in the two years we were a couple."

"We just never had the opportunity."

"We have one now!"

"Jo, your mother will tell on us and your FBI agent dad will kill me."

"He's been okay with you ever since the promise ring exchange in front of them. You're just making excuses now. What is the real problem?"

"The real problem is that you're making a way too big deal of this."

"A big deal?! Kendall we've been together for two years and you refuse to move past second base! Carlos and Stephanie have been together two months and they make no secret of it that they're having sex all over the place. What keeps you from moving on?"

"Maybe I respect you like I'm supposed to?"

"You act like you were born a hundred years ago. I don't want to be respected, I want to sleep with my boyfriend like any other eighteen year old girl."

"How did we go from sleeping together to having sex?"

"Same difference, captain obvious. I want to not lie anymore to my friends when I tell them how good our non-existent sex life is."

"Well, maybe then I'm not the right guy to be with."

"Kendall, don't start that again. We can't go on like this."

"Then don't push it. We're doing perfectly well without it."

Jo was silent for a while. "Do you really think that?"

"Yes. I'm in love with you, we have so much fun together and there's plenty of making out right under your father's nose that already gives me the creeps."

Jo laughed quietly. "Maybe you're right."

"You shouldn't worry so much about what others say and more on how well we're doing."

"Yes, that's true. It's just difficult sometimes."

"I know, come here."

Then there were no more sounds and I assumed they were engaged in some physical activity. A few minutes later Kendall told Jo that it was getting late and that he would walk her home. The front door opened and closed and the apartment was quiet again.

I remembered my earlier conclusion that something was up with Kendall and noted that Jo was most definitely part of the problem. It couldn't be just her though; it had something to do with me as well and maybe with Rick. Or not so much with Rick as a person, the two of them seemed to get along just fine, but more with him being here. Why would he tell Jo I was jealous of their relationship, something I'd never told him and he couldn't know, and at the same time not be happy for me that I found someone so I wouldn't have to be jealous anymore?

This was getting so complicated that I barely knew what was going on anymore. I would ask him when he got back, I decided then. It was time for clarity. Maybe I would even be brave enough about the nights he came to my bed and the kisses we shared. I kept thinking about what I would say and how to handle this until the front door opened. I quickly turned on my night-light and grabbed a book, so he wouldn't be startled when I suddenly starting speaking in the dark.

"Oh, hey," He said when he came in. "I thought you were sleeping."

"I wasn't tired yet," I told him; it was only partly a lie. "You had a pretty heated conversation with Jo just now. Don't worry I didn't hear anything. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," He sighed. "She just gets a bit insecure sometimes."

"Oh."

"She'll get over this and find something else to worry about, I'm sure."

"As long as you two are doing well, I guess so."

"We're fine, Logie. Don't worry about it." He said it nicely, but I was sure that this was also the last thing he wanted to say about it. Kendall always got a really tense air around him when he was trying to remain nice about something that annoyed him. I'd learned to stay clear of that.

So I changed the subject. "Are you really okay with Rick?"

"Sure. He's nice and he certainly treats you well, nothing wrong with him."

"Good," I smiled. "I wasn't sure because you weren't really talking to him the first two hours or so."

"I was grilling."

"I know, you don't have to excuse yourself. I just like knowing that my friends get along with my boyfriend."

Kendall's movements halted for a moment and he balled his fists, but he quickly went on as if nothing happened. "I'm sure he's fun to have around for a while."

I frowned. "What length of time are you referring to with 'for a while'?"

"I'm sorry, buddy. I don't think you're going to last very long."

"Oh." That hurt, he could've kept that to himself for at least a few more weeks. Kendall had barely spoken to Rick tonight, he didn't know what he was like. "I disagree," I answered slowly, "But why do you think that?"

"Honestly? You've barely known him for a month and you met him through the Internet, worst case scenario he's not who he says he is and is gaining your trust to do who knows what to you."

"Wow. Okay, you really don't have to worry about that, I'm pretty sure he's perfectly nice and just who he says he is."

"It's not just you I'm looking out for, he might be wanting inside information about the band, Logan."

I honestly hadn't given that a thought before, but I immediately knew it was ridiculous. "Are you being serious right now? Do you really think I'm stupid enough to put my full name and job description on an app a million people are using? I didn't tell Rick about BTR until I'd met him."

"I don't get why you're so offended, I'm just looking out for you."

"Maybe because I finally found someone I really like and I would love nothing more than my friends to approve of him?"

"You've barely any knowledge of this guy, I don't understand how you trust him so easily."

"Because he's really open about everything! I really can't believe you don't support me. Are you jealous or something?"

"Jealous of what exactly?"

I rolled my eyes. "Never mind. We'll just keep pretending nothing happened."

Kendall kept quiet for a minute and I turned my back on him, figuring he wouldn't answer me. Like always. "Sounds like a great plan," He said then, turning off the lights and getting into his own bed. It had been such a low blow and I felt my eyes water at the pain and humiliation.

It had meant nothing to Kendall.


	4. Chapter 4

I had a really bad week following that night. It had been so unfair of Kendall to say those things and so inconsiderate of my feelings that I refused to be in the same room with him if I didn't absolutely have to. Kendall kept on pretending like nothing happened, just like he said he would.

I saw Rick three times the past week and they were the only hours I had a nice time. It was fun to meet his parents and brother and I really loved the laid back, warm atmosphere in his house. It was so much better than the constant rush and craziness in 2J. It was exactly like I'd always hoped my home would feel like when I got my own.

But as much as I liked spending time with him, I couldn't forget the painful things Kendall had said and how much they still bothered me. Not only had that fight been horrible, apparently Kendall had never had my feelings in mind when he spent those nights in my bed and that hurt a lot. At first I didn't want to admit it, but the only reason Kendall's words hurt so much was because it had meant something to me and deep down I'd hoped it had been special for him too.

But it had just been about the physical stuff to him, which was hard to believe because Kendall had always been straight, but it certainly hadn't been because he felt lonely or neglected by his friends. Probably because he felt neglected by his girlfriend.

Then there was the nagging feeling deep down that this wasn't all there was to it. I had heard clearly how Kendall had been the one to refuse Jo and not the other way around. And Kendall didn't have the character of someone who used people for his own gain; this was not the Kendall I knew.

I did nothing though. He would have to come to me with an apology before I would talk to him again, his words really did hurt no matter the reason why he said them. He would have to make the first move.

I wasn't expecting it though, when he sat next to me on the couch on Thursday night, when I was watching my documentary on Gorillas. I ignored him at first, but I couldn't help glance at him when he wouldn't leave after ten minutes. He was fiddling with his phone, something he always did before we had to tell Gustavo something he would yell at us for. I wanted to ask him to leave, he was distracting me from my show, but doing that would end the silent treatment and I wasn't ready for that yet.

"Logan, what I said the other night wasn't fair of me. I'm sorry."

It was rehearsed and he said it quickly so he could get it over with. "Okay," I answered, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of getting off easily.

He was quiet for a while again and I tried to keep my attention on learning, but it was too hard with Kendall's fiddling. "Logan, I really am sorry," He said, grabbing the remote to mute the TV. "It wasn't fair of me to put Rick down like that, I can see how happy he's making you and after that photo of you two and his parents on Instagram I can't keep up that protective act."

"That's not even the problem," I muttered, pulling my legs up and staring down at my toes.

"I know," He said quietly, rubbing over the back of his neck. "I wasn't entirely truthful about Jo either. We've had some problems lately and it helped me deal with it."

I couldn't help but notice how he'd carefully avoided specifying 'it'. I decided to do the same. "Okay, I guess."

"I'll make it up to you, okay?"

"How?"

"Hang out? Catch a movie? Bake cookies? Whatever you want."

I thought about it for a moment, but an offer like this was too good to refuse. Kendall hadn't proposed to hang out with me in months and I was desperate to spend time with him to see what he was up to. "I've been wanting to go see Avengers for some time now."

"Awesome. How about tomorrow?"

I shook my head, thinking of the 'movie watching on the couch' date I'd planned with Rick. "Not tomorrow. Saturday?"

Kendall grinned. "Deal."

I smiled back; glad to have at least a little bit of an explanation and an apology. But most of all I enjoyed the idea of hanging out with a friend again. Kendall grabbed the remote and put the sound back on, then got up. I'd expected him to leave, but he went to the kitchen to get drinks and sat next to me again. "What are we watching?"

"A documentary on Gorillas, but we can change channels if you want to."

"No, this is fine. You've been watching for weeks, it must be a little bit interesting."

I was surprised he was giving this a chance, but went with it immediately. "It's really fun, the researcher followed this pack for a year and managed to capture really intimate moments, like births of the young and the death of an alpha male. I think it's incredible."

Kendall looked at me for a while with an amused expression on his face, before returning his attention the TV. I loved this. He didn't even have to be talking to me for me to enjoy his company. I was quickly engrossed again by the wild life, but I felt a whole lot lighter now that we had sort of made up and he was spending time with me. Kendall hadn't willingly sat down next to me to watch my 'silly' show in months.

After the documentary ended Kendall suggested starting a movie and I eagerly agreed. I went to get snacks, this almost felt like a party to me and it had to be celebrated properly, while Kendall picked a movie and popped in the DVD. "Come, Logie, it's starting."

I put the popcorn in a bowl quickly and grabbed the M&M's, then sat in my previous spot. I was very pleased to see Kendall started our shared favorite; Percy Jackson.

We watched the movie and joked and talked and this was almost like we were still in Minnesota on a cold winter night. It was the most fun I had in ages and I really, really hoped this wasn't a one-time thing.

After the movie we went to our room and changed, then got into bed. I was pretty tired and tomorrow we had to get up early for school, but I couldn't bring myself to go to sleep yet. "I finished the last Inkheart book, do you have something similar?" Kendall asked when we were both laying down.

"Oh. Yes, probably. The Host is a really good one."

"Like the movie? Because if that was anything to go on I don't think I'll enjoy that."

"No, the movie was total crap, but the book is really good. You've to bite into it though, the first chapters are really vague because no one explains what is going on."

"Hmm. Sounds like a bit of work."

I smiled. "It's not nearly as thick or as complicated as Inkheart, I think you'll manage."

Kendall nodded. "I'll try it," he yawned, "Tomorrow."

I chuckled and turned off the light, then turned to my side to stare at Kendall's lying form. His silhouette was a bit like Rick's, I realized. They were almost the same height and Rick's hair also fell like that around his head. They weren't really alike, but in the dark they were somewhat similar.

That thought brought back all the memories of our nights together and I almost sighed; I missed them. I had Rick and he touched and kissed me plenty whenever he had the chance, but it had felt safe to share a bed with someone I knew so well.

I was starting to think I liked it so much because it was Kendall I was laying next to and not just anyone.

Rick's parents had asked me to come to their summerhouse with them next weekend and I'd told them I would have to ask mama Knight, but that I would love to come. Mama Knight wouldn't be a problem, but I wasn't sure yet if I wanted to be around Rick for a whole weekend already. I had no idea what to expect, but something held me back. All the time we spent together so far had been lovely, but I knew that as soon as we were over the lovebird stadium we would start to see flaws. A weekend seemed like a perfect occasion for that, you were with each other constantly, and I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to force that upon each other already.

I would never have that problem with Kendall. We knew each other like our pinky toes and I trusted him completely, being with Kendall would be as easy as breathing.

I felt myself growing cold when I caught myself thinking of a relationship with my best friend. It was ridiculous, preposterous, it would never happen! Something like that would completely ruin our friendship if we broke up and we would never be able to continue the band then. And James and Carlos surely would pick one of our sides and the other would be left alone and our fans wouldn't be nearly as interested in us when we weren't available.

I turned onto my other side and forced myself to forget that ridiculous idea. I wasn't even interested in Kendall like that, was I? Sure, I had already realized that I found him to be attractive and desirable and that he was an amazing kisser, but I didn't have the same tingly feeling in my chest whenever I saw him as I had with Rick.

No, I felt for Kendall like a friend, but with a deeper connection and better bond than I had with James and Carlos. Yes, that was why we'd probably both felt so comfortable when we were lying next to each other and exchanging soft kisses.

Satisfied with my conclusion I closed my eyes and fell asleep, only to dream of Kendall and his soft lips.

* * *

"Hey!" Rick said happily when he opened the door and let me in.

I smiled at him and gladly accepted his kiss. "I'm sorry I'm late, James absolutely had to stop at the drug store when he saw the Cuda sale."

"Can't ever have enough shampoo."

"I guess not."

"Come pick out snacks! My mom bought half a store because she didn't know if you were into sweet or salty."

"That's so nice, thank her for me."

"I will."

I selected chips and ice cream and felt really bad when I saw the amount of food that had been brought in for me. I could hardly refuse going with them next week. "How was your day?" Rick asked when we were on the couch. He pulled me against his side and wrapped his arms around me.

"Good, I guess. Carlos understood most of our homework tasks."

"It's incredible how you keep bringing up the patience to help him."

I shrugged. "If he doesn't keep up his grades he can't sing, if he can't work Gustavo will be insufferable. It's really for my own gain."

Rick laughed. "I really want to meet Gustavo some time, I can't understand why you're so scared of the man."

"Trust me, you're better off never meeting him," I told him. "What did you do today?"

"I had class and I finished my article about the nugget incident for the school paper."

"Can I read it?"

He smiled. "Yeah, sure. I'll send you a copy."

"What movie did you pick for tonight?"

"I downloaded a bunch, you can pick."

We went through movies for a while, but then decided on Into the Woods. I'd never seen it before but it was supposedly very good. We settled in a corner with the ice cream first, finishing it way too quickly and moving onto the chips. It was as nice I'd expected it to be, sitting there curled up together while watching a movie.

Rick moved his arm down to my middle and turned me slightly so I was sitting with my legs over his lap while resting my head on his shoulder. "Sorry, your bony butt was kind of uncomfortable," He whispered, not taking his eyes off the TV.

"No bad words about my butt, please."

Rick chuckled. "I wouldn't dare."

"Then what was it about my butt being bony?"

"Bony but great."

I narrowed my eyes at him playfully. "You just saved your own ass."

He grinned. "Thank goodness."

I leaned in to kiss him, wrapping my arms around his neck. Rick's hands moved to my middle, pulling me closer against him. I immensely enjoyed how light our conversations could be, while at the same time everything had some meaning to it and it wasn't just small talk.

"Hey, have you asked Mrs. Knight about coming with us this weekend?"

I was taken aback for a moment, but then I quickly composed myself. I didn't want Rick to know I had my doubts about it, even though I probably should be honest to him about it. "Uh, no. She's been busy and I forgot. I'll do so tonight when I get back."

"I'll help you remember," He said, playfully poking my side. "You can't miss the opportunity to see 'the awesomest tree house in the world.'"

"That's not a word," I giggled.

"It's not a word! It's a name, so it's allowed."

I rolled my eyes and smiled. "I'll make sure to ask, so I can come and see this rip off of my own tree house."

"You think your tree house is better than ours?" He asked in disbelieve.

"Definitely. We built it in sixth grade, with Carlos' dad. It has two floors and a slide."

"That's nothing. Carl and I have been expanding it every year. You'll see when you come with us."

"Hmm. I think your bluffing."

Rick grinned and flipped us over, pinning my arms next to my head. I found I rather liked this side of him, it reminded me of someone else. "You willing to bet?"

"Hmm. Name your terms."

"If I win; which means you admit my tree house is better than yours in your honest opinion, you'll be my date to my prom," He said triumphantly.

I pretended to think about it, but the truth was that I didn't mind at all to be his date. "Fine. And if I win you'll come with me to the deep sea creature exhibition with me."

Rick laughed in surprise. "If you win I'll take you there."

I smiled and leaned up to kiss him, but he pulled away teasingly. "Not fair," I pouted.

"What should we do when we don't agree?"

"I'll take picture of my tree house, your parents and brother can vote."

"You've just chosen the most biased judges you possibly could."

"You're so full of yourself, mine might actually be better than yours."

Rick laughed. "Ha, no way. You'll willingly admit your defeat."

"We'll see," I answered, not feeling the least bit threatened when he looked down at me so softly and cheerily. "Would you kiss me now?"

"I could," He answered. "But I like you like this, on your back and willing."

I rolled my eyes but couldn't help blushing. "Fine, I'll just keep watching the movie then."

I turned my head back to the TV and made sure to keep my eyes on it as I felt him laugh above me. That was until I gasped and felt his lips on my neck, kissing softly before sucking down on my skin. I had a very hard time keeping my eyes on the TV and bit my lip to keep from moaning. This was new and hot.

"Soft spot, huh?" Rick murmured, never ceasing his attack on my neck. He didn't sound arrogant or full of himself, just pleased to have found out about this. He let go of my wrists and put his elbow next to my head, so he could move his hand over my side.

Rick scraped his teeth over my skin and that was it. I closed my eyes and moaned, giving up the indifferent act. He smiled and moved his lips up my neck and jaw to mine, kissing me with a whole new intensity. I went with it eagerly, having thought about more intimate make-out scenes lately. I blamed hormones.

I put an arm around his neck and the other around his middle, pulling him closer against me. Rick's eyes were darker when he pulled away, giving away how much he liked this too. I pulled him back and kissed him, working my tongue against his, surprising him. Rick put one of his legs between mine and I moaned again when I felt his thigh against my hard on. He groaned too and I got aware of his against my hip.

It scared me a bit, I had never been this far with anyone before, but it felt amazing and I didn't want it to stop yet. Rick recovered faster than I had and rubbed against me again, burying his face in my neck. I tilted my head sideways slightly to expose my neck again, closing my eyes tight when he sucked on my skin again.

I grabbed his hair and tugged, getting Rick to gasp in surprise and pleasure as he moved his hips down against mine. It was almost the same reaction I had when his lips had found my neck. "Soft spot, huh?" I repeated, very pleased with myself.

Rick growled softly and returned to his attack on my neck. I tightened my grip on his hair and middle again and rolled my hips up, really liking Rick's pants against my neck as he returned the movement. He had more room to move and his rocks were much more forceful than mine, which only made this better.

Then I heard keys jiggling outside the front door and I sat put so fast I head butted Rick rather hard. "Umph," He groaned, sitting back and clutching his head just as the door opened and his brother came in.

My face felt hot and I was sure I was bright red, unsure if I should tend to Rick or try to hide that we had been making out in their living room. I opted for the later when Carl passed the living room and went into the kitchen. "I'm so sorry," I said, placing my hands on his arms. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I think," He answered, taking of his hands to reveal a large red spot on his forehead. "You've a really hard head."

"Do you have a headache? We should put ice on it so it won't swell."

Rick laughed softly and pulled me close. "I'm fine, Logie."

"But I hit you really hard."

"If I start hallucinating I'll tell you, okay? Are you all right? You had just as hard of an impact."

"I didn't feel anything. The person inflicting the impact is always less hurt than the one receiving it."

"I think it was just surprise," Rick told me, "It doesn't hurt anymore."

I frowned and looked up, eyeing the red skin on his forehead. "Are you sure? You might have an concussion."

Rick laughed and kissed my cheek. "Your head is not that hard. Though I would prefer not to be hit again."

"Maybe we shouldn't be doing this kind of thing in your living room."

"Hmm. It was really good though."

I smiled and pulled away to look at him. "It was. I like your hair kink."

Rick grinned and kissed my cheek. "I like you neck kink. Which you should cover up, by the way."

"What!" I grabbed my phone and turned on the selfie camera to get a look at my neck. I groaned when I saw the red hickeys all over. "Oh my god, I'm so not living this down."

He laughed and pulled me in his lap. "I like them."

"Good for you. You don't have to face your three best friends back home who will mock me."

"Let them, I bet they're just happy for you that you have someone that gives you some. And I'm sure you've seen plenty yourself."

"True," I muttered, studying the red spots again. If I pulled up my vest a bit higher on one side I could hide them.

Rick took my phone then, holding it slightly further away to get both of our faces on the screen. "Smile, Logie."

I rolled my eyes. "Really? You want to take those mushy, fake romantic selfies?"

He chuckled and put his arm across my chest. "For me? You did just head butt me, you owe me."

I sighed, but smiled at the camera and Rick took the picture. I had to admit it was a nice picture and as I looked up at him Rick seemed happy with it too. He snapped another picture then and I was about to protest when he put his lips against mine, taking another one. "Hey!"

He ignored me though, looking at the newest picture fondly. "I like this one, sent it to me when you get back home?"

I studied it and decided I quite liked it too. I always got nauseous at the sight of the cheesy selfies my friends made with their girlfriends, but having one of my own wasn't so bad. It was kind of... sweet.

I nodded and Rick kissed my cheek again and pushed me up slightly so he could get out from behind me. "Want another drink?"

"Please."

I watched him walk out the room and took a look at my phone to check my messages. I had two, both from Kendall. He asked where I was in the first, in the second he told me to have fun and that he would talk to me later. James probably told him.

I'd told him yesterday that I couldn't hang out tonight, when he proposed to go to the movies. I'd never told him where I was going though, so maybe that was why he didn't remember. I loved that he accepted Rick now and supported my relationship. It was all I wanted and knowing we would hang out tomorrow after such a long time only made it better.

"What are you thinking about?" Rick asked when he sat next to me again.

I looked up and took the glass he presented me. "Kendall apologized to me yesterday, we're hanging out tomorrow."

"Oh, that's great," He said surprised. I'd told him about our fight last week, but not what it had been about, and he'd felt sorry for me. Rick knew exactly how much I enjoyed James, Carlos and Kendall's presence and he understood perfectly how much it hurt to fight with one of them. "What changed?"

"He told me he was sorry for what happened and that he wanted to make it up to me."

"That sounds good. Do you think he'll stick to it or start ignoring you again?"

"I hope he won't," I sighed, but I couldn't help but feel a little bit of doubt. Maybe Kendall would just do me this favor and expect me to be happy again after.

"He probably won't," Rick told me, trying to cheer me up. "I shouldn't have mentioned that, he's not that kind of person."

I nodded, but his words weren't as reassuring as he meant them to be. I put down my drink and glanced at the TV, not surprised to see that the movie had ended. "What time is it?"

"Ten thirty. Do you've to go already?"

Rick sounded a bit disappointed and I smiled at him, shaking my head. "No, I've a little while longer."

He put down his drink too and took my hands, pulling me close again. "What are you plans Sunday?"

"I don't have any yet."

"Want to have lunch with my grandparents here? My grandpa makes mean blueberry pancakes."

"Sure," I chuckled.

"They're excited to meet you," He told me. "They've been asking a lot, more than my parents."

"It's so strange to meet people from their generation who are okay with homosexuality."

"I guess it is for you. My aunt is a lesbian though, and I think my grandpa once had a friend who had more interest in men. They're really cool with it."

"Are they from California?"

"Yes, my whole family is."

"Mine's from Texas, mostly. Perhaps that has something to do with it."

Rick nodded thoughtfully. "It's strange the place you live has such a big influence on your opinion. Doesn't go for everyone, of course, but some people..."

I shrugged, not wanting to put too much thought into it. I came to terms with my family's disapproval a long time ago and I didn't want to think of it anymore. It wasn't worth it. "What time should I be here?"

"Twelve-ish, I guess. I'll text you about it tomorrow."

"Okay."

Rick put his hands on my sides and leaned his head against mine. "Maybe a bedroom isn't a bad idea for next time."

I laughed, placing my hands over his arms. "I thought you fancied another blow to your head."

"Yeah, not so much. I much prefer another kind of blow."

I blushed when I realized what he meant and I couldn't help thinking he was moving a bit too fast for my liking. He chuckled and nuzzled my neck, "Sorry, forget I said that. We're not there yet."

I nodded and swallowed; this was a good time to ask him about his experience in that field. He'd hinted at some things in previous conversations and I thought I knew pretty well how far he'd gone before, but it would be better to ask. "No, I'd rather wait with that a bit longer, considering this is my first relationship. But um, you had something with Joel, was it?"

"Yes, Joel," He sighed. "That lasted way longer than I wanted it to. He was nice and all, but he was so full of himself at times. The beginning was fun, it was the first relationship for both of us and we explored a bit. We didn't go further than some hand business though."

"Ah, okay," I answered, feeling relieved that he wasn't used to sex on a regular basis. That could have been a problem if I wanted to wait.

"Are you worried about your lack of experience?"

Once again Rick knew exactly what had been on my mind, it was a skill I admired as much as it unnerved me. "Not worried," I told him honestly. "These things are supposed to come naturally, a person can't be bad exactly bad at them, right?"

Rick laughed and shook his head. "Some people could use a bit more practice. Sorry, go on."

"I just thought you might want to move faster than I liked."

He didn't laugh now, just rested his head against mine. "I don't think that'll be a problem," He told me, tightening his grip a bit. "I like you a lot and I'm fine moving at your pace for that reason. I don't think you're moving slowly by the way. It took me much longer to feel comfortable with the dry humping we just did."

I felt my cheeks get hot again. "I don't feel like we're going too fast, we're doing fine this way."

"I'm glad you think so," Rick said happily.

* * *

"Hi guys," I said when I walked into the apartment. Carlos, Stephanie, Jo and Kendall were watching a horror movie. Jo had curled up against Kendall and was hiding her face, while Stephanie was sitting on the edge of the couch, stuffing her face with popcorn.

Kendall looked up and grinned at me, moving away from Jo a bit so she was no longer sitting as close to him. "Hey Logie, want to watch with us? We only just started the movie."

"I'm kind of tired," I told him. "Might read for a bit and then go to sleep."

"Did Rick wear you out that much?" Carlos joked, making the girls laugh. I noticed Kendall looked a bit disappointed before he turned back to the TV.

I just rolled my eyes at him and went to grab a bottle of water from the fridge, then walked to my bedroom. Every single time I came back from Rick's James or Carlos made some remark about sex. It was getting annoying.

I settled on my bed with my newest book without changing. I wanted to finish the book today, but I hadn't had any time to read this afternoon. I grabbed the water and took a sip before drowning myself in another world.

I'd been reading for a while when the door opened and Kendall walked in. "Hey," I said, "Movie over already?"

"I was tired," He shrugged, going over to his dresser and taking out his pajamas.

"Okay. I didn't hear you go out."

"Huh? Oh, no, I didn't bring Jo home, she wanted to see the ending."

"Didn't she need to hold your hand?" I teased.

"I guess not," He murmured, turning his back on me when he started to change.

I stopped talking then, he obviously wasn't up to it. I wondered if something was wrong with him, but decided not to press on. The last time I tried that didn't end too well after all. I put down my book and decided to get ready for bed as well.

I'd forgotten all about my hickeys until Kendall dropped his phone when he came out of the bathroom, his eyes on my neck. I blushed and quickly pulled on my pajamas, placing a hand on my neck. "Uh, well..."

Kendall let out a sound that sounded like a chuckle as much as whimper. I frowned, wondering when Kendall Knight started reacting awkwardly in any situation. "Seems like Carlos was right," He joked, but it also sounded like an accusation.

"Yes, maybe a bit," I said quietly, going into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I closed my eyes and willed away the sudden shame I felt. I had nothing to be embarrassed about, Rick was so right about that. I had seen my friends doing way worse things; the three tiny spots shouldn't bother him this much. I decided that it had to have something to do with him feeling down.

When I got back in the room Kendall was lying in his bed, his back turned to me. He was reading the last maze runner book and I figured it was best not to bother him anymore. "Good night," I said before climbing in my bed, hoping he would be in a better mood tomorrow.


	5. Chapter 5

He was.

I didn't have anything planned for that day except from the movie tonight with Kendall. So after I had a quick breakfast at eight I decided to use the rare silent time while everyone was sleeping to do some homework on my advanced classes.

I got two subjects done before Kendall came in, a big grin on his face. "Hey Logie."

"Good morning," I said, watching the jump in his step with surprise. "Slept well?"

Kendall thought about that for a moment. "No, not really."

"Than what got you so cheery?"

He shrugged, taking a sip from his juice. "It's weekend."

"Fair enough." I went back to my calculus book. I worked on until Kendall sat in the chair opposed to mine a few minutes later and started eating his toast. I looked over at him with raised eyebrows, "Honestly?"

He stared back at me, amused. "I'm just eating toast."

"You're annoying me, that's what you're doing," I grumbled, flinching when I heard the toast being mauled by his molars.

"And you're being rude to ignore me."

I rolled my eyes and closed the book. "Fine, we'll talk."

"No, I don't want to when you're this unwilling," He said, faking to be indignant, "Go back to your math thingy."

I laughed and Kendall had a hard time keeping his act up at that point. "You're so full of yourself."

"And you like it."

"At amuses me to some point, but you could do with a bit less self esteem at times."

Kendall shook his head. "No, that wouldn't do. That would mean less of me to enjoy."

"Oh my god, stop talking. You're full of shit."

He laughed then, his eyes were twinkling and he had a big grin on his face. I really liked that. "Fine, I'll tone down the admiration on my being. What are you doing today?"

"I hoped to finish some of this," I answered, gesturing at the books. "But I guess that's not happening now everyone is getting up."

"Awesome. I was thinking we could go eat something at the food court at the mall before the movie? I woke up craving Chinese."

I nodded, "Sure." It was thoughtful of him to think of the food court; I didn't like Chinese and this way I could get my favorite tacos.

Kendall's grin widened when I replied positively. "Okay. We'll leave at five, the movie starts at seven thirty."

"Since when are you looking this far ahead?" I asked him. Looking up at what time a movie started was always my job whenever we went.

Kendall just shrugged and focused on his toast.

"Going to see Jo today?"

I could see he rather not answered that question either, but he did anyway. "No, I told her I was hanging with you all day."

"Oh." I thought of that for a while, why would he lie to her? Didn't he want to spend time with her? After this and abandoning her last night it definitely seemed the case. "It's good to spend a day apart, I read a study last week on how important time to yourself was in a relationship."

Kendall looked up and studied me for a moment, his eyes unreadable and a vague smile playing on his lips. "You know, I missed your data talks," He said then, smiling at me. "I'm glad we're hanging out tonight."

At that he grabbed his plate and brought it to the kitchen, before walking down the hall to our room. My heart would still make little jumps when I thought of those words all day.

* * *

"Excited, are you?" Kendall asked me.

"Yes! I've been wanting to see this for ages, probably even more than I want to go to the deep sea creature exhibition."

"Thank god I'm taking you," He chuckled.

"Yes, thank you," I said, smiling up at him.

"No. No thanking me. I haven't been a good friend lately and this was long overdue."

I felt warm inside and my smile widened a bit. "Oh, well. You were busy."

"That's not an excuse to stop hanging out with you." Kendall put his arm around my shoulder. "You're my best buddy."

I didn't answer and I was glad to walk into the theater a minute later so I could start a conversation about the new James Bond coming out in the fall. Skyfall had been the last movie we went to see with the four of us, before Kendall got Jo and all my other friends got more interest in girls than in me.

Kendall agreed that we had to go see that, even if James and Carlos didn't want to come. I liked the idea of hanging out with Kendall again in the near future and that he'd been the one to suggest it. "Share a large?" Kendall asked me after we got tickets and stood in line for drinks and snacks.

I grinned. "Yes." Back when we were younger and didn't have enough money to each get our own popcorn and drink, James and Carlos would share sweet popcorn and Kendall and I a salty one.

Kendall smiled a bit, and then turned his gaze back to the counter. I wondered what had gotten him so... I didn't even know. I had decided during the day that I would forget about the last few months and pretend like nothing had changed at all, even thought things had definitely changed.

When we reached the counter, Kendall ordered our popcorn and drinks. I took out my wallet to pay, but Kendall pushed my hand out of the way and handed over the money. "Kendall, you paid for tickets, let me do this."

He just shook his head. "Hush. Don't worry about it."

I frowned as I put my wallet away again. Kendall always used to do that before, but as a thank you for getting him out of trouble or saving his ass by letting him cheat on a test. He had no such excuse now; he hadn't needed me next to him in class so he could look at my paper and we hadn't hung out enough to even get in trouble.

"I don't like letting you pay," I told him when we took our seats in the theatre. "I earn the same amount of money."

"Which is why you should know it doesn't matter because I won't miss it. Besides, you're saving up for college. You actually need the money for something useful."

"I have a college fund, Kendall. It's the only thing my dad cared for me doing."

"Well, I still have to make up for our fight. So just enjoy the free popcorn and shockingly expensive coke."

I shook my head but let it go and took a sip from my drink. The movie didn't start for ten more minutes and the previews hadn't started yet, but we had burned through most of our topics of conversation during dinner. Kendall stayed clear of Rick and I felt I should too. After fighting about him last week it was still a bit sensitive.

"How is hockey going?" I asked him.

"Great, though I really should play with a team again if I want to get real practice. It sucks that almost of all of the good teams are tied to a college."

"We're almost done with high school, you could enter and try out in the fall."

"Do you think I can combine the band, a major and hockey?"

"I intend in combining pre-med with the band, it should be possible."

"Maybe," He sighed. "I don't even know if I'm still good enough to get on a hockey team."

"Are you kidding?! You're great, of course you're gonna make a team and make it to captain before junior year."

Kendall chuckled. "You haven't even seen me play in months."

"No way you lost your gift in the last year."

He sat up at that and turned to me. "It's not been a year since we last played hockey."

"No, I think it is. That was the time Carlos broke his stick while practicing."

"Wow, Logan. We have to play; it's unacceptable that we haven't in so long. Come with me next week?"

"I agree, but next week I can't."

"Why not?" He pouted.

I smiled, because that was actually cute and usually not something I could say no to. "I'm going with Rick's family to their house in the mountains."

Kendall's pout disappeared and made place for sincere disappointment. "Oh. The whole weekend?"

"It's his parent's 20th anniversary. They're having a bunch of family over for a barbecue."

"That sounds like fun."

"We have a bet about his tree house. He thinks it's better than ours."

Kendall grinned then. "No way."

"He was really full of himself, thinks that I will admit defeat the moment I see it. Hey, do you have a picture of it? His parents are gonna vote."

He pulled out his phone and went through the pictures, which were mostly of him and Jo. Apparently she liked the silly kissing selfies as much as Rick did because she always held the phone. "Here it is! Look how cute you were!"

I grinned at the picture of us as eight-year-old boys, standing on the balcony of our tree house. James was sitting on the roof and Carlos hung from the rope we used to quickly get out. A few weeks later he broke his arm when he swung himself into the tree, we didn't use it after.

"Send it to me, I'm going to win this bet."

Kendall did and I opened my picture folder to admire it, but I forgot the last picture this phone took was Rick kissing me. "Sorry," I said quickly, swiping to the tree house picture. "I forgot that was there."

"Hey, it doesn't matter. I got a bunch of those," He answered, but his eyes were now glued to the commercials on the screen.

That was true. I had just seen those. But it was weird that Kendall reacted so strongly to anything that had to do with Rick. It couldn't just be about our fight, he had already told me he changed his mind about him trying to compromise the band. "Kendall, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Um, are you sure you're okay with Rick?" I asked quickly, feeling my cheeks heat up. "Because you keep avoiding talking about him and it's almost like he insulted you or- or something."

He sighed and turned to me. "I've no such problem with Rick. He's a really nice guy and you shouldn't let someone else's feelings get in the way."

"Except I will when my best friend is concerned and he has a legit reason."

"My reasons would not be considered legit, Logie," He sighed. "Don't worry about it, okay? It has nothing to do with him or with you and I promise I'll act normally around him. You should bring him to 2J sometime, it's getting obvious you were avoiding the apartment when you're spending time with him."

"I wasn't avoiding the apartment," I said before I could think it through.

Kendall was quiet for a while and I tried to calm my nerves by eating several hands of popcorn. "I know," He said softly. "You should bring him to the apartment anyway."

"Okay."

The trailers started and it gave us both a good excuse to stop talking. I regretted bringing up Rick; today should have been really fun and carefree. Kendall and I should've gone back to the kind of relationship we used to have. I was starting to fear we would never get there again.

I was still mauling over our conversation ten minutes into the movie, when Kendall reached out and put his arm around my shoulders. "Stop worrying, we're here to have fun."

I nodded and he smiled at me, before he returned his gaze to the screen.

* * *

All in all it hadn't been a bad evening, I decided the next morning as I watched Kendall and Jo run lines across the room. I was waiting for Rick to pick me up; we would go pick up his grandparents together before lunch.

After the movie we went to get ice cream and wandered around for a bit talking. We didn't talk about Rick again and Kendall quickly returned to his normal, relaxed self. We set a date to go play hockey and he was really understanding when I suggested not to ask James and Carlos to come. I hadn't been on the ice in a year and I wouldn't be any good.

Asking about Jo had been as much a success as asking about Rick had been. Kendall answered curtly to all my questions and requested firmly we'd stop talking about her. I backed out; it probably was none of my business. I wouldn't want to talk about all my hopes and fears considering my relationship with my friend. Except that I really would like to.

It was then that I realized he hadn't said a word about Jo when he told me about his plan for next year. He'd worried about combing the band with college and hockey, but Jo didn't enter his mind. Did that mean he didn't think she would be in the picture? I felt sorry for Kendall when I thought that; he would enter the situation I'd just left and he would spend most of his time alone while James, Carlos and I were hanging out and going on dates. I promised myself I wouldn't let it come to that.

Jo didn't seem to be aware of this, I thought as I watched her laugh when Kendall mixed up some words. Then again I didn't really know either and I shouldn't take these conclusions on so little information.

I was awoken from my thoughts by a knock on the door and quickly walked over to let Rick in. "Hey."

He grinned happily and kissed my forehead. "Hi."

"Hey, Rick. How are you?" Jo asked friendly and I was once again reminded of the fact she was actually a really nice person.

"Great. What are you doing?"

"I'm helping Jo with her lines for the next episodes of her show," Kendall answered and came over to shake hands. It was kind off odd, but Rick went with it easily.

"Oh, right. New Town High. I still have to check it out sometime."

"Don't hurry, its kind of a girls' show anyway," Jo said.

"I could at least give it a shot. I'm sorry for not showing more interest in your career."

Jo blushed. "Even I don't like the plot, you really shouldn't feel obligated."

Ricked smiled at he apologetically before turning to Kendall. "I really liked your solo in your newest song. Almost as much as I liked Logan's."

Kendall chuckled. "I think that is as good a complement I will ever get."

I was about to protest that I was hardly the best singer in our group, but Rick took my hand and squeezed softly. I kept my mouth at that, simply accepting the complement. "Aren't your grandparents waiting?"

"Yes, we should go. It was nice seeing you."

"Yeah, you too."

I grabbed my phone from the table and pulled on Rick's hand to get him out of the apartment. I loved how easy going he was, but sometimes he was a bit too friendly for my liking. "Bye, guys!"

Rick waved and I pulled the door close behind us, but not before noticing how Kendall looked down sadly and let his shoulders slump.

I was definitely missing something.

* * *

A week later I was sitting between Carl and Rick in the back of their parents' car as we drove to their summerhouse. We had played all the car games we could come up with and told stories of all previous road trips, but now everyone was done talking. I'd gotten sleepy from driving from six hours and Rick had moved his arm around my middle to encourage me to sleep.

He was watching funny videos on YouTube and I watched those with one eye while I went over my most recent encounter with Kendall, which was once again really odd. He came to me asking for new book suggestions, since he'd now finished all of my series. I was running out of ideas, but told him to go to the bookstore near the cinema and ask the owner of the store. He'd insisted I come with him, which led to a really sudden trip to town. It was fun, but Kendall didn't really seem into it when we got to the store.

I'd asked him about it, fearfully because the last time I asked something he'd been really snappy, but this time Kendall just seemed tired as he answered. Things with Jo hadn't been as they used to be and he was bummed I was leaving for three days. It had been really difficult for me to keep from smiling, because those were some of the nicest words I'd heard in months and coming from Kendall they were even more amazing. Finally one of my friends appreciated my company!

I told him that it was only for a few days and I promised we would go skating Monday evening, after dinner. That seemed to lighten him up a lot and Kendall went home with the Divergent book series, which he promised I could read after him.

Rick appreciated Kendall's new positive attitude towards me too. He told me that he was worried our recent fight wouldn't be the only one, but Rick couldn't tell me what he based that thought on when I asked him. Just that out of all my friends Kendall seemed to like him least and he was worried that Kendall's previous hostility towards me had something to do with our relationship.

I was glad that was behind us now and we could just be friends again. I'd missed Kendall a lot and after all the strange things that happened the past weeks I looked forward to everything going back to normal. I mean, the kissing had been too weird, even for us. But maybe when we all settled down Kendall could work out his problems with Jo and nothing about it would matter anymore.

"We're here!" Rick's dad said as we drove onto a bumpy forest road. I saw a large wooden house a few yards away and I smiled a bit, it was exactly like I imagined.

I sat up and rubbed in my eyes, which earned me a soft smile from Rick. His father parked the car and we all climbed out, stretching and shaking our limbs before taking out the luggage. Rick and I grabbed our bags and he guided me to his room, which had an amazing view into the trees.

"Do you mind sharing a bed? Because if it bothers you I'm sleeping in Carl's room," Rick said when he came to stand next to me at the window.

"It's fine," I told him, smiling up at him. "No funny business, though."

He chuckled and pulled me into a hug. "Alright." I looked up at him and narrowed my eyes, wondering if I should trust him. It only made him smile wider and kiss me. "I promise."

"Good."

"And maybe we can sleep in the tree house tomorrow? My grandparents are sleeping over after the barbecue and so are my aunt and uncle and they kind of need the room."

"That sounds fun! I used to go camping a lot, this is a little like that."

"Except we get to eat breakfast in a house instead of under the sky."

"That is a big perk. You should show me the tree house now, I don't think I can stand the anticipation any longer."

Rick grinned happily and took my hand, pulling me out of the house. "I'm wearing blue to prom, by the way. You should think of that when you're renting a tux," Rick mocked as we walked into the back yard.

"I will, thanks for the heads up. You know, the deep-sea exhibition is only open on the weekend and Wednesday evenings. Does that fit your agenda?"

"Oh, you will loose that attitude soon, Logie."

We walked around the shed and in the far corner I saw something that looked like a palace with a tree growing out of it. It was an actually house, with stairs leading up to the first platform and a rope bridge between it and the next level on another tree. It had a slide for quick exits and a swing dangling gently in the wind.

"What do you think?" Rick asked excitedly.

"It's incredible," I told him. "You definitely won."

"Yes, I knew it!"

I smiled slightly at his joy of winning our bet. It was cute. "Give me a tour?"

"Of course."

Still clasping my hand, he took me up the stairs and into the first room. It was decorated to look like a living room; it had old pillows on the floor and shelves on the wall that held old toys. It was high enough that we could stand straight. "This is about the size our tree house had, but we only had one window and we missed a whole wall."

"How can you call it a house when it doesn't even have four walls?"

"Because it was in a tree and we played in it, I guess. Maybe tree hut would've been better."

Rick went ahead of me up the rope bridge and into the next part, a room without windows and a plastic covered roof. "We did the bridge last summer, it used to be a ladder. And this is the place we would be sleeping in, since it's best protected against rain and stuff."

"It looks safe enough."

"Yeah, it really is. Let's go to the tower!"

Rick went out again and quickly disappeared out of sight, so I followed and saw him climbing from the roof onto a branch so he could reach the part of the tree house above the bedroom. I went after him and found him sitting on a platform overlooking the garden and the entrance to the slide on the right. "You've amazing view from here."

"Yeah," He sighed. "We used to play pirate here all the time, this was the crow's nest."

I sat next to him and wondered what it would be like to have this kind of play equipment at your disposal as a kid. That would've been awesome. "We used ours as a crow's next as well, only the ship would've been made up of a blanket at the foot of the tree."

Rick laughed at that. "Your tree house sounds lame."

"At least I had friends in my tree house."

I immediately regretted saying that, because Rick's face turned white and he stared down at the house. "I'm sorry, that was really mean," I apologized, moving over so I could hug him.

"Don't worry about it," He murmured, moving his arms around my waist. "You had a right to say that after I kept putting your tree house down."

In my head those two things didn't even each other out, because my remark had been way more insulting than anything he'd said. Rick was right about the reason though. I couldn't stand his boasting. "I shouldn't have let it bother me, this tree house gives you every right to gloat."

Rick laughed softly and pulled me in his lap, placing his lips against my temple. "It does, right?"

I nodded and moved my head to kiss him softly. He went with it eagerly and kissed me too, leaning back against the tree. It was the first time I felt doubt since my decision to come here with him, maybe I'd been right to put this off a little longer.


	6. Chapter 6

I followed Rick up the stairs into the tree house. I was glad we already put our stuff there earlier; it was so dark I barely saw my feet. He got there first and turned on the light we had there so we could see what we were doing. "It's cold."

"Yeah," He chuckled. "Changing into pajamas is not that fun out here."

I shivered again and looked over at our sleeping bags. They looked thin and I worried they wouldn't be warm enough tonight. Rick handed me my pajamas and I quickly started changing so my skin would have minimal contact with the cold air.

I was done before he had gotten his shirt off and rushed to get in a sleeping bag. "Aw, I didn't even get to sneak a glance while you were changing."

"Maybe tomorrow," I told him, looking him over before he put on his shirt. Rick did look really good, even though he didn't work out all that much. Some people were just naturally well built.

"So what gives you the right to peak when you didn't return the favor?"

I grinned. "Because I was a model boyfriend today and all your relatives loved me."

"Fair enough." He was done and climbed in his own sleeping bag, turning on his side towards me. "Did you have fun today?"

"Yes. Your cousins are really nice, but I mostly just talked with Carl."

Rick had gone of to play with his cousins kids and I'd joined him for a while, but they were tiring and after a while I had enough and went back to the grown ups. Carl also didn't fit exactly in an age group, so we stuck together for a few hours. I talked to him about his major in Biology and he had a lot of questions about the band.

Rick smiled. "Did he tell you about his crush? I've been pestering him for weeks but he doesn't say a word about her."

"He mentioned a girl named Lily a few times, could that be her?"

"I'll drop the name some time, see how he reacts."

I looked up at him and wondered if he would be okay with some kissing tonight. Sleeping here was kind of romantic, the moon was bright and I could see a lot of stars in the opening that was the door. Last night he had behaved like a true gentle man and after a goodnight kiss he'd rolled to his own side of the bed and fallen asleep.

Apparently Rick had thought of the same thing, he moved a bit closer and put his hand on my cheek. He leaned in as slowly as he did on our first kiss, to give me time to back out, but this time I met him half way. It was a much deeper kiss than we shared upstairs yesterday, but I knew that Rick was still holding back.

I parted my lips when he asked for access and let him lead the kiss, while I worked open my sleeping bag and pulled the zipper down on his so I could place my hand on his side. Rick appreciated that and wrapped his arm around my middle, pulling me to him tight.

The kissing got deeper as we went on and I moved my hands lower so I could moved them under his shirt. Rick startled at my cold hands, but made quick work of my own shirt. I loved how his hands felt on my back and was distracted by that until he put his lips on my neck and sucked. "Fuck," I whimpered, digging my nails in his back.

I felt Rick smirk, as he scraped his teeth over my skin. I moved my hands to his hair, tugging softly until I heard him groan too. "Wait," He said, pulling away and sitting up. He zipped open his sleeping bag and did the same to mine to create two blankets. He covered us up with both before pulling me to him and rolling onto his back, kissing me again.

I had to admit that I liked this better, we had more space to move in and I could reach him better. Rick's hands moved up my chest and down my back and I realized being on top wasn't all that fun; I couldn't use my hands. So I tried something bold; I moved my lips down his jaw to his neck and started unbuttoning his flannel shirt.

Rick grabbed onto my middle when I started sucking on his nibbling on his collarbone and moaned, moving his hips up against mine. I grinned, feeling pretty good about myself that I could do this to him. I ran my fingers up his chest when his shirt fell open and moved my lips back to his, but only for a moment because Rick broke us apart to pull my shirt over my head and rolled us over.

Our eyes met for a moment and he smiled at me softly, running a few fingers down my cheek. "Okay?"

I nodded, wrapping my arms around his neck to pull him in for another kiss.

"You'll tell me when you want to stop, right?"

"Yes, I will," I promised. "You're sweet."

He grinned happily and placed his lips against mine again, slowly lowering his body until we were flush against each other. Our short break had done nothing to subdue my arousal or his and I moved my hips to rub against him. Rick got the hint and rolled his hips against mine, starting up a pace.

It felt amazing, but it wasn't enough and I didn't stop him when he reached down and moved his hands in my boxers. I didn't want him to feel neglected and followed suit, trying to mimic the movements he made. I thought I was a bit clumsy, especially when I came closer to releasing, but his panting seemed to indicate otherwise and he came undone only shortly after I did.

We lay panting for a while, Rick's face in the crook of my neck and the two sleeping bags half way down our bodies. It was only for a few minutes before it got too cold to stay like this. He moved first, smiling at me lazily and kissing me softly, before slipping out of bed to grab tissues from his bag.

I raised my eyebrows at him and he got red really fast. "I didn't plan this, really. I just had these still in here from my cold last week."

"Sure." I laughed at Rick's eye roll.

"You're a jerk." He wiped off his hand. "Now give me yours."

I gave him my hand and he wiped it off, than climbed in next to me. "Come cuddle," He murmured, pulling me to him.

I put my head on his shoulder and loved the feeling of his arms around me. "Turns out tree houses don't do under for bedrooms," I yawned, rubbing my cheek against his skin.

"Not at all."

I had almost fallen asleep when my phone started ringing. "Who is that?" Rick muttered sleepily.

"No idea, but must be important if they call this late." I reached over him and managed to grab my phone without moving too much. "Hello?"

"Hey, Logie."

"Kendall, what's up?"

"Not much. I didn't have anything to do so I thought I'd call you."

"At eleven at night?"

"Oh, sorry. I didn't realize it was that late. I was reading."

I sighed, but wasn't too annoyed with him. I also forgot the time when I was reading. "Did you finish it?"

"Yeah, it was awesome. You'll really like it."

"Cool." I looked up at Rick and saw him staring up at the ceiling, wide-awake. "Kendall, how about I call you tomorrow morning? We were about to fall asleep."

"Oh," He said, sounding a bit disappointed. "That's okay, you're coming back tomorrow, right? We'll talk then."

"We will. Night."

"Sleep tight. And say hi to Rick for me."

I ended the call and put the phone on silence, then tossed it in my bag. "Sorry. He'd forgotten to check the time."

"It's fine," Rick said quietly. He pushed against my shoulder until I was on my side and folded his body around my back. "Kendall does seem to take a lot of your time since we started dating."

"Something is going on between him and Jo, but I can't figure out what and he doesn't want to talk about it." I told Rick about the fight I overheard and the hint Camille had dropped over the phone.

"Sounds like something they should talk about together."

I couldn't help feeling that piece of advise was also a wish for them work it out so Kendall would stop bugging me. I let it go though; it was late and Rick had just been kept from sleeping by Kendall. I always got annoyed with people that kept me from sleeping. "Probably," I answered, smiling when his arms moved tighter around my body. "Good night."

"Sleep tight, Logie."

* * *

"You're wasting precious skating time!" Kendall yelled from where he was in the other side of the rink.

He'd been really eager to get on the ice and had his skates on before I got mine out of my bag. Now I stood at the rubber mat before the rink, wondering if this was such a good idea after all. It had been so long since I last skated and I couldn't afford to break a leg so close to the tour. "Come on, chicken."

I rolled my eyes and carefully put my first foot on the ice, then the other. I felt a bit wobbly, but after the first few paces I felt the familiar old rush. It was awesome and within a few minutes I was skating as fast as I used to, with the same agility as always.

"Look at you being a natural," Kendall said happily, coming up next to me with two sticks and a puck. He threw a stick at me, which I barely caught, and went off with the puck. "See if you can still take it."

I grinned happily at the challenge; we used to have those all the time. Kendall zigzagged with the puck across the rink and I had the greatest difficulty trying to get near him, because he kept making unexpected turns and twists. But one time I saw it coming and I was there before him to take it away.

Kendall laughed as I took off. "I'll give you a head start, judging by how long it took for you to take I think you'll need it."

"Less boasting, more showing please."

He grinned and came after me, making it really hard for me not to cry out and flee. Kendall was seriously impressive on the ice and kind of dangerous. "C'mon, Logie. Give it up."

I didn't have time to answer as I tried my hardest to think ahead and anticipate his movements as to keep the puck in my possession. I was surprised at how long I managed to keep it away from him. "Shit, I forgot how damn fast you were," He said as yet another trick failed.

I grinned and passed the puck through his open legs, quickly skating after it. I thought I was pretty far ahead until I felt Kendall put his arm around my middle and pulled me back, swirling my around and capturing the puck. "You cheated!"

"All is fair in love and war, my friend."

"How does that go up in this situation?! You can't touch another player!"

"Are you gonna cry about it or are you gonna come get it?"

After that the game was a lot rougher. I'd seen enough of James and Carlos skating to know some tricks and if he wanted dirty, he got dirty. The puck passed between us three more times before we declared it even and sat on one of the benches to drink water. "I'm seriously impressed, you're doing amazing."

"Thank you," I said happily, handing him one of the energy bars. "And you have nothing to worry about getting on a team, you're definitely fit enough."

It was true. Kendall didn't seem at all faced by our match while my shirt was clinging uncomfortably to my back. "You think?"

"I know."

He grinned at me and put his hand on my back. "I applied for Stanford's team and UCLA's, hopefully one of them will take me."

"And otherwise there will be scouts from other colleges at the try-outs, one of them will want you."

"The first two would be great though; I would get to stay with you guys and stay in the band."

"But what if Columbia or some other college in the east wants you? Are you sure you want to turn down an opportunity for a full hockey scholarship for the band?"

Kendall kept quiet for a while, looking down at his feet. "I don't know," He murmured eventually.

"Maybe you should think about that," I told him. "I know how much you like the band, but do you really want to waste your chance at being a hockey player for it?"

"Do you want to waste your chance at being a doctor?"

"I got into Stanford months ago. I'm starting pre-med in September."

"Oh. Why didn't I know that?"

"I-" I stopped talking before I could finish that sentence. I'd mentioned it a few times before, but none of those times he, or James or Carlos, had really listened. "I never said anything about it."

"Why wouldn't you? This is amazing, congrats, buddy."

I smiled at him, quickly thinking of something to distract him with. "Think about it, Kendall. Lots of colleges still accept entrees, there is nothing wrong with trying to see if anyone wants you."

"I will," He promised. "If you help me practice the next few weeks."

"I will come with you as often as I can."

Kendall looked satisfied at that and returned his eyes to the rink. I wondered what he was thinking about, but also knew not to ask anymore. He wasn't one to keep talking about big stuff, just one problem at a time.

"Want to play for a while longer? I haven't scored anything yet," I asked him.

"Maybe that's because you've always had a horrible sense of direction," Kendall teased as he got up.

"What are you talking about?! I can certainly score!"

* * *

Two weeks later I was sitting with Rick on the couch in 2J, huddled together under a blanket. James was starting the movie and Lucy was making drinks and snacks. We made dinner, so it was their turn really. I'd followed Kendall's advice on taking Rick here more often instead of spending most of my time at his place and I found that it really brought us together.

Mama Knight told me a few days ago that she'd missed having me around, because whatever the other guys did I'd always been there. I'd felt guilty at that and tried to help her out more, but not too guilty that I didn't mention it to the others too. It was about time they asked Mrs. Knight if they could do something to help instead of just me.

Rick had bonded with James quickly as soon and my boy friend asked him about his hair products and modeling career and hooked him up with a photographer on the school paper team. The two of them even hung out when I wasn't in the room. I liked that a lot.

Carlos and Stephanie were just as nice as they always were to anyone, but they did make an effort to be home when I was here with Rick so we could all hang out. Even Kendall persuaded Jo a few times to hang here instead of doing what they originally intended, but I guessed that was mostly because he'd been the one to suggest being here more.

We'd eaten dinner with James, Lucy, Stephanie and Carlos, but the later couple had other plans tonight. Kendall and Jo ate out, but they would join us for the movie later. I got to see all of my friends today for several hours; I'd been glowing since we came here.

Rick ran his fingers over my side and I looked up at him, smiling into the kiss he gave me. "Do you still want me to stay over?"

"Yes, of course."

He kissed my temple and pulled me closer, sneaking a hand under my shirt to touch my skin. Rick had been doing that since a week; I'd fallen asleep one night during a movie and he'd told me how much he liked that I felt safe enough near him to do so. It was sweet so I left him to it.

Yesterday we'd been to his prom, which had been a lot of fun. We had a small party with the other graduates of Palm Woods High, which meant eating cake with the four of us, Jo, Lucy and Stephanie down in the classroom. That was whole senior year. So it had been nice to see what a real prom was all about; we drank punch, danced a bit, talked with some of his classmates but mostly hung out together at a table. I wouldn't have been too sad about missing out on it.

We slept over at his house and came here today for lunch. Suddenly we saw a lot of each other and it wasn't as exciting anymore. I really liked him and I loved spending time with him, but he'd met my family and I met his and we didn't have any new things to do together. Rick told me he was glad we passed the first stage; he was nervous of all the new things and he liked to know we were in for the long run.

That scared me a little bit. Was I in for the long haul? I was sure that Rick was someone I liked a lot and I could certainly see myself being with him. Also, a relationship was what I wanted since forever and I loved being in one. Life was better when you got to share it with someone.

Rick ran his fingers through my hair and I had a hard time not closing my eyes. I'd didn't like James' musical movies all too much and laying here with him made me sleepy. "Your room is first on the left, right?" He asked me.

"Yeah," I muttered, "Why?"

"In case I have to carry you to bed tonight."

"I'm too heavy."

"I'll manage."

I glanced up at him so he could see my raised eyebrows. Rick grinned and kissed me, then looked back at the TV.

Half an hour later the door opened and Kendall came in. "Hey, blondie," James said without looking up. Apparently that was some ongoing joke between the two of them.

But today Kendall didn't answer with his usual line and instead fell down on the couch next to us. "Where's Jo?" Lucy asked.

"At home," Kendall answered.

"Oh, is she stopping by later?"

"No."

I looked up at that, getting a bad feeling about what was happening here. "Kendall, what's up?"

"I broke up with Jo."

"What the fuck," James said. "You're kidding, right?"

"Nope, definitely not."

"Wow," He said, in awe. "Why?"

"I wasn't feeling it anymore. We both wanted other things for our future." Kendall looked over at me when he said that. "And we mostly stayed together because we've so much mutual friends."

I felt myself get cold despite the blanket. Did he break up with her because I asked him those things about his plans? I definitely didn't mean that he should cut his relationship with Jo short to execute those plans.

James looked dumbfounded and didn't say anything else. Lucy leaned over and kissed his cheek before getting up. "I'll go see how she's doing."

"Yeah, good idea. Are you coming back later?"

"I'll call you about that. Hang in there, Kendall."

She left and I couldn't help notice James slumping a bit. They really were in love. Kendall didn't look all too sad, probably because he'd been the one to break it off. Maybe he would feel it in the morning. "Are you okay?" I asked him.

"I'm fine," Kendall told me, smiling a bit. "Just tired, I'm going to bed."

"Okay. We'll see you in a bit."

Kendall stopped walking then. "We?"

"Rick is staying the night," I answered.

"Ah. I see. Okay." If it weren't for the fact that I was watching him so closely I wouldn't have noticed the pain in his eyes after I said that. Kendall left quickly, leaving his phone behind on the table.

I shared a look with James before looking up at Rick. "I'm going to see if he's alright."

He nodded. "That's probably a good idea."

It took a moment to untangle myself from all the limbs and the blanket, but then I got up. Rick grabbed my hand and looked up with me expectantly, which made me smile a bit. I kissed him before grabbing Kendall's phone and going to our bedroom.

I knocked softly before going in, not at all surprised to find him on his bed with a book. "Hey, you forgot your phone," I told him softly. I sat on the edge of his bed, wondering if he would take the hint and talk to me.

"Thanks, Logie," He answered, smiling at me before reading on.

I hesitated for a few moments, but then said, "If you're bothered by Rick staying here I can ask him to come another time."

Kendall sighed before answering. "I'm not bothered by him being here, just by him being here tonight."

"What do you mean?" I asked and turned slightly to face him.

"I hoped you would be available for some videogames or something, to distract me."

"Oh, I'm sorry. But James is free for now?"

Kendall sat up and smiled sadly. "James is great, but he doesn't understand like you do."

I wondered if he meant something by that sentence that I didn't understand, because I had no idea what had been going on between him and Jo. I doubted I would be any more help than James. "I'm fine though," Kendall said quickly when he saw me thinking. "Don't worry about me tonight. We're still going skating tomorrow, right?"

"Yes, definitely."

He grinned almost happily and put the book aside. "Come, give me a hug and leave me alone."

I did, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and feeling his around my middle. I had no idea how long a hug with a friend was supposed to last, but I knew it shouldn't be longer than a minute. Kendall didn't let go for quite some time and I honestly didn't want to either. He probably needed the contact with a friend now, someone who would stick by him.

It wasn't until he yawned that I felt it was right to pull away. "You should go to sleep."

"I will, just going to finish this chapter."

I chuckled. "Just the chapter?"

"Maybe one more."

Kendall lay back down and I left the room, going back to Rick and James. The movie was nearly over and James had already gotten up get a thriller. Rick smiled when I sat next to him, pulling me close. "How is Kendall?"

"Doing well considering he's just ended his relationship of two years."

"I thought so too, he didn't look at all upset."

I shrugged. "Maybe it will hit him later."

"Yeah. Perhaps it's a good idea if I go home tonight, give him some space."

I smiled at him and kissed his cheek. Rick was the most thoughtful person I had ever met. "I asked Kendall, he's fine with you staying."

He nodded and nuzzled my temple, earning us a groan from James. "God, you guys are worse than Carlos and Stephanie."

"Shut up," I told him, but I secretly loved that I was finally included in the teasing.


	7. Chapter 7

"Happy anniversary."

I grinned happily and hugged him, way too excited to let him close the door. Rick had been talking about his surprise plan for our two-month anniversary for a week now and yesterday he had finally told me during dinner. "I'm so excited, can we go already?"

"Just a moment, let me grab my jacket."

I waited impatiently by the door; I had been waiting for this so long that I couldn't stand still another second. I couldn't believe that he had remembered something I only mentioned twice or thrice. I had actually been planning a solo trip for the next weekend when Rick showed me the tickets to the deep-sea exhibition last night.

Rick came back and clasped my hand, taking me to the car. As soon as we were in I leaned over and kissed him, trying to show some of the gratitude I felt. He chuckled when I pulled away. "I would've taken you sooner if it gets me that kind of loving."

"Just drive already and I'll see what I can do after the exhibition."

He smiled and his cheeks got a bit red. "So how is Kendall?" He asked when the car was on the road.

"Good, I think." Truth was that I spend every waking moment I wasn't with Rick with Kendall. I came with him to the rink twice a week now to practice, I spend three nights at Rick's and he came over for two. I spend so much time with people that sometimes I longed for an hour alone.

It would have been fine if it had been just the skating we did together, but Kendall stuck with me during other things too. He grabbed a book and studied with me, he sat with me while I ate and he came with me to the store when I picked up milk for mama Knight. It wasn't even annoying, because he had months of stories to talk to me about and was so like the Kendall I knew before Jo.

"Isn't it strange that he didn't look at you twice for so long and now all of a sudden he's following you like a puppy?" Rick's voice held no hostility, only curiosity.

"Really strange," I agreed, "I think he's so used to spending all his time with Jo that he can't stand being alone."

"It's almost like he's addicted to company."

"Kendall just never knew any different, before the girls and LA we always hung out together. Not a day went by without seeing each other. He'll get better during the tour."

Rick didn't look happy when I mentioned the tour. He had been really bummed when I told him about it for the first time; we would be gone for eight weeks. I thought it was sweet that he showed how much he would miss me; I never had anyone miss me before. I was always with my friends and my parents certainly didn't, this was a new and very pleasant feeling.

"About the tour, I talked about it with my parents and they're okay with me visiting some of the places you guys are. If you are too, of course," He added quickly.

"Really? That would be awesome! You should come when we're in New York, or Miami."

"I'm glad you're so excited about this."

"Are you kidding? I would miss you too, you know."

He reached out for my hand and squeezed softly, not letting it go again. "Want to stay over tonight after the museum?"

"I did tell mama Knight I wouldn't be back until tomorrow."

"Look at you assuming I want you in my bed at night."

"I could go home," I answered, trying to sound serious. "There's still this book that I can't seem to finish."

"No, no, don't do that. We'll-" Rick glared at me when he realized he was being messed with. "Sometimes you're really mean."

I laughed and squeezed his hand. We didn't talk for the last few minutes and I was first out of the car as soon as he parked it. The California Science center was a huge building, I had been here before for another exhibition but I'd forgotten the size of the place. Rick came up behind me and put his hands on my middle. "Want to go see some fish?"

I nodded quickly and laced our fingers together, following him into the building. We went to get our tickets checked and got a map of the building and audio tours. "So, should we check out this thing about chemistry first?" Rick joked. "The effects off sleeping pills on mice sounds fascinating."

"You go see the mice, I'll go find the huge whale skeleton."

He chuckled and followed me to the part of the museum dedicated to my long awaited exhibition. The room was really dark and had photos on the walls from fish that lived on the bottom of the ocean. "Look, it's a spook fish!"

"Really? Spook fish?"

"I'm not making this shit up, they gave some of them pretty weird names. That's a football fish," I told him, pointing to the one in the next frame.

"It looks like the fish from Nemo, the big scary one with the light. Want to watch that movie tonight?"

"Sure. Oh, another angler! Did you know the male fish lives inside the female for easier reproduction?"

"That's freaky."

"Yes. But the hagfish had five hearts, but no stomach or teeth. Isn't that fascinating? How does it eat!"

We walked around the exhibition for two more hours before we went to get coffee and cupcakes. I'd told Rick everything I knew about the fish we encountered, I'd never talked this much in my life. He listened patiently, asked questions and paid more attention than any of my friends ever had when I finally convinced one of them to accompany me.

After lunch we went to the space with the mounted fish, which Rick appreciated way less than the pictures. "They're so creepy," He whispered as he clutches my hand and stayed behind me.

"They're dead."

"I know, but those teeth look like they could still kill a guy."

I smiled and kissed his cheek. "I'll protect you."

"That's reassuring, that big crab looks like it can take you out with a well placed jab from its icky legs."

"That's a Japanese spider crab! I can't believe I didn't notice that earlier."

"You calling it a spider crab is not making me feel better."

"Are you sure you can handle Nemo tonight? It has some pretty scary sharks and stuff in it," I mocked, earning a soft jab to my ribs.

"You could just tell me that it does no harm and has never killed anyone, that would make it better."

"It's harmless, one tiny Japanese person is able to take its legs and hold it down. So you should too."

"Good," He sighed.

"If you freak out at this maybe you shouldn't come see the big squid in the aquarium later."

"Oh no, those are funny looking."

I rolled my eyes and decided not to tell him those actually did kill people, fearing he wouldn't come with me to see it otherwise. We toured the room for a while and Rick got better after the spider crab, the other fish were deadlier, but they weren't as scary looking so he was fine.

"These are actually not deep sea fish," I told Rick as we stood in front of the aquarium with the squid. "They can't live under such low pressure."

"Thank god."

I laughed and leaned further into his body, feeling him smile when he kissed my cheek. "Thank you for taking me here, I loved it."

"I can see. And it was a lot of fun besides the spider crab. I might get nightmares from that thing."

"Thank goodness I'm staying over tonight to hold your hand."

* * *

It was four in the afternoon when we left the museum. After we finished with the exhibition we stroller through the rest of the museum for a bit, but neither of us was really interested and I was almost glad to go back to his place. His parents were out tonight; we would eat dinner with Carl before he went to see his not-yet girlfriend.

I'd been thinking for a while about this night. Two months was not that long into a relationship, but I felt really strongly for Rick and I was sure we would last a while. I knew for sure it had been Carlos's first time with Stephanie and their two-month anniversary and when I casually mentioned to Camille that we still hadn't had sex she almost exploded with rage and wanted to come home to oversee it happening.

Perhaps the biggest reason to do it was because I had no good reason not to. I was eighteen, certainly old enough, I was pretty sure my first time would be with Rick anyway and I was pretty excited to enter that club of non-virgins. I was too awkward and shy to actually tell my friends we had sex, but it would be awesome to feel included.

After such an amazing date and with an empty house at our disposal the universe was definitely pointing all signs to yes.

We made lasagna for dinner and watched the first part of Nemo in the living room while it was in the oven. Carl came down as soon as he heard the oven beep and we ate together. I had clicked with Rick's brother after the barbecue and I liked talking to him now. He left quickly after dinner, though he first changed into nice clothes.

I'd asked Rick if we could take the rest of the movie upstairs, because 'his bed was more comfortable.' I didn't know how else to tell him I was planning something more for tonight.

"I love this movie," Rick sighed when it was over. "I can't wait for Finding Dory."

"We'll go together."

"You've an optimistic view of our future, that movie doesn't come out until 2017."

I blushed and looked down. "Yeah, well..."

"Me too," He murmured, leaning in to kiss me. I went with it eagerly; as we made out I had less time to make embarrassing comments. It didn't take too long until I felt Rick's hands move up my shirt so he could get it off. I followed with his shirt, running my fingers over his chest.

I loved the feeling of his skin under my fingers and how his lip found that prefect spot on my neck. I ran my fingers through his hair, tugging on the strands until he stopped his work on my neck to look down at me. His eyes were now dark instead of their usual light blue color and he put his lips back on mine.

We kissed and I pushed him onto his back. I straddled him and grinned at Rick's surprised look, sliding my hands over his arms as he pulled me down for another kiss. He put his hands on my waist and pulled me closer to him, running his fingers over my side.

It took a while before I gather the courage to sit up and work on getting his jeans up, but luckily he sat up with me and started kissing my neck as he opened mine. Rick grinned when I pushed him down again and pulled off his pants and mine before climbing over him again.

I was nervous now we got closer to the part where would usually get each other off and stop, but today I would tell him to move further. I gasped when Rick's moved his hands down to my butt and pulled my hips against his. I'd been distracted by my thoughts and the feeling of his arousal against mine brought me back.

I moaned when he did it again and realized I should just say something now, before we were too far along. "Hey, I was thinking..."

"Yeah?" He murmured between kisses.

"I thought that, maybe, today we can move further," I said softly, sitting up more so he couldn't distract me with his lips anymore.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean go all the way."

Rick looked startled and I bit my lip, fearing I'd been too soon. I was surprised I had the courage to keep eye contact even now. "Uh, I haven't considered that yet," He said hesitantly. "I thought you wanted to go slow."

"I'm pretty sure I want to."

"Well, that's good, but I kind of wished you wouldn't have surprised me with this news now. Do you mind continuing this in the morning?"

"No, no, that's fine," I said quickly, feeling silly that I hadn't thought of that. I wouldn't have liked it either to get such a proposition moments before you're supposed to do it. "It was stupid to bring it up now."

"Not stupid." Rick smiled softly and put his hand on my cheek. "Just poorly timed."

I smiled back at him a bit and he pulled me closer for a kiss, rolling us over as soon as I lost myself in it. "Now, let me see what else I can do for you."

* * *

After breakfast the next morning I called Carlos to pick me up. Rick and I hadn't talked about sex again; I'd decided to wait for him to start. I'd surprised him and he needed some time to think, I didn't want to pressure him about it. I was really glad that he acted the same as always after I brought it up and there was nothing awkward between us.

In the car Carlos and I talked about Stephanie's wish to make a horror movie starring all of us and established that we both had doubts about that. I didn't like horror and Carlos was a horrible actor, which he didn't want his girlfriend to find out about.

I was glad when we got home. Carlos couldn't stop talking about Stephanie and the only new thing I had to bring up was Rick. I'd forgotten what I talked about with him when it was just the two of us and I didn't have to explain his homework to him. Maybe it would have been better to let him ramble about Stephanie for the duration of the ride.

We walked into the Palm Woods and Carlos joined his girlfriend, James, Lucy and Jo at the pool. The girls had been hanging out with Jo a lot to cheer her up and as a consequence James and Carlos did too. That was probably why Kendall kept hogging a lot of my attention; the guys weren't here for him either.

I texted Rick that I was home and that I couldn't wait until he would come over tonight. We agreed that we both needed a few hours on our own to get some schoolwork done. It was fun to be together, but we barely had time to work on school between dates and sleepovers. It would be good for a few hours; maybe I could even start in one of Kendall's new books.

I walked into 2J while reading Rick's reply that he would work as fast as he could but didn't want to make any promises. "Hi Logan."

"Hey Mrs. Knight." I looked up to see her with a basket full of clothes. "Let me take that. Whose are they?"

"I don't really know, could you sort them for me?"

"Sure."

"Thank you, sweetie. Kendall is in your room, he'll help you."

I nodded and took the basket to our room, finding Kendall on the floor with a video game. "Hey!" He said happily, pausing the game.

I smiled at his enthusiasm and put the basket on the bed. "Hey. Your mom gave me these, help me put them away?"

Kendall got up and helped me fold the clothes. "I admitted my college application yesterday."

"That's awesome! I'm so proud of you. Where did you apply?"

He beamed. "Some of the smaller ones, UCLA and Stanford, though I'm not betting on the later two."

"Why not? I'm sure you could get in solely on hockey, they wouldn't even care if you had a 1.5 GPA as long as you played for their team. You're really underestimating your academic abilities."

"As long as I count on not getting in I can't be disappointed."

"You will," I told him, placing a hand on his arm. "Oh! We could share a dorm!"

"You're going too fast, buddy," Kendall chuckled. "We'll see what happens."

"I know what will happen, but alright."

"What are you doing today?" He asked when I put the last of our clothes away.

"I have to finish my paper and do some more homework before Rick comes over." I grabbed my laptop. "You're welcome to join."

"Really? Studying again? We should go down to the pool!"

"No, you don't want that," I told him.

Kendall's smile fell. "It really sucks that she lives here. When is it appropriate to be in the same place together without acknowledging that we used to go out?"

"I don't know," I sighed, "But I'm afraid that you'll be cooped up in here for a while."

"It really, really sucks," He repeated, following me to the kitchen table. "How was your date yesterday? You were really eager to get out."

I smiled as I searched for the latest version of the paper I was writing and didn't pay attention to Kendall. "Rick got me tickets to the deep-sea exhibition I wanted to go to for ages."

I thought of how amazing it had been and didn't think of my friend again until it had been quiet for several minutes. I looked up in time to see him get up and walk back to our room. I stared at the closed door and wondered if I did something wrong, but I couldn't think of anything. What was up with him now?

I had just up my mind about going after him when he got out of the room with his hockey bag over his shoulder. "Hey, I thought you were going to study with me."

"I changed my mind."

"Oh." I watched as he put on his shoes. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No."

His quick refusal hurt a lot. "Is something wrong?"

"God, Logan! Why are you always prying? Go mind your own fucking business." He slammed the door behind him.


	8. Chapter 8

"What is going on?" I asked him a week later, closing the bedroom door behind me. After our 'fight' Kendall never returned to his normal self. After he stormed out on me he kept avoiding me, which was really hard because he was always in the apartment since he stopped seeing Jo. It had gotten so obvious that even James and Carlos asked me about our fight. I had no idea what to tell them, because the whole situation was so ridiculous that I was utterly lost.

I got so fed up with his behavior that even hanging out with Rick wasn't all that fun anymore. I couldn't stop thinking about Kendall and his stupid attitude and his childish need to avoid me for no good reason. I had no idea what I did wrong, but it was obviously bad enough to ignore me and hate me for.

Kendall didn't even look up when I came in. He was lying on his bed and kept reading. It was so unfair of him to treat me like this. I stepped forward and grabbed his book, so angry that I didn't care about his death stare. "Talk. I don't know what to do anymore."

"The only thing you have to do is give me that book back and get the fuck out of my room." Kendall got up, hovering over me.

"I'm not doing that. What is going on?"

He glared at me and he was clearly thinking about hitting me, but held back and yanked the book out of my hands. "Go away."

"No. First you ignore me for months, ever since James has Lucy and definitely after Carlos got together with Stephanie you guys have been ignoring me. James and Carlos have both asked me to tag along on double dates, but you never did. Then all of a sudden you want to spend time with me and now you're ignoring me again? I don't get it, Kendall. What did I do to you that I deserve this?"

He sat back on the bed, the book open in his hands. But he didn't go back to reading and just stared at the floor. "Is it Rick? You could just tell me that and I would stop flaunting him in your face. Did I do something wrong all those months ago that makes you so angry all the time?"

I started pacing. "Did someone else do something to you that you're taking out on me? Is it Jo that you're really mad about?"

Kendall put the book down and clasped his hands together, still not looking up. "Are you mad at me that I got into bed with you that one night? Because I don't want anything with you like that if that is what you think. The only reason I did that was to not feel lonely for one night."

I felt my eyes water as I thought back to that and I looked at him, hoping for a reaction, any reaction. Even disgust or anger I could work with, just something that would explain what was going on so I knew how to deal with this situation. "Kendall, please. Talk to me. It doesn't matter what you say, because nothing is worse than being ignored like this."

"I'm in love with you."

Kendall looked up then, meeting my eyes finally. "W-What?"

"I'm in love with you," He repeated, more confidently. "I've been for months."

I stared at him, almost feeling all the open slots in my brain click into place. That was actually an explanation that made sense. Why he ignored me, why he acted so strange considering Jo and their sex life, why he took so long to warm up around Rick, why he tried to spend time with me while I was with Rick, why he broke up with Jo. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Kendall got up and walked over to his dresser, pulling out two white pieces of paper from beneath his pile of socks. He handed me two very familiar tickets. "I wanted to take you to the deep-sea exhibition and tell you, but pretty boy beat me to it." So that was why he ran out on me a week ago.

"I..." I swallowed the lump in my throat. I wasn't sure if I still wanted him to talk about this with me. This wasn't at all what I had expected.

"You've no idea how amazing it was when you wanted to sleep with me that night and you did again the next day!" Kendall let himself fall back on the bed. "I hoped you liked me too but didn't know how to tell me."

"I had barely any human contact for months, I wanted to not feel alone for a night."

"I kind of figured from what you just said," He sighed, closing his eyes.

"You should've told me," I told him, sitting down on the edge of his bed. My heart was beating in my throat because of the nerves, but he was talking now and I wasn't going to waste this chance.

"And then what? It wasn't like you were going to admit your eternal love for me. I'm not stupid, you're not interested."

I thought about the time Kendall came to me at night and how incredibly warm and safe it had felt. I was sure it would never have been like that with James or Carlos. And how he kissed me? Those had been the best of my life. "Then why tell me now?"

"Because you were all sad and I didn't have the heart to lie any longer." Kendall reached out and put his hand over mine, holding onto it tight. "I never should've handled this the way I did."

"No, you shouldn't have," I murmured, "Why did you come to my bed after I stopped?"

"I thought I should grab my chance while I still could. I never thought you would let me. Why did you?"

"I-"

"No, don't answer that. I don't need to hear it again."

Those words were so sad and still Kendall managed to sound normal. "I'm sorry, if I'd known I would never have gotten in with you the first time."

"You didn't know," He muttered, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand. "I'm not sorry it happened."

"Wouldn't it be easier to forget if it never-"

"I didn't want to miss it for the world, Logan."

I bit my lip and looked away from him, wondering how I'd never noticed this and cursing myself for given him hope for something that wouldn't happen. "Why did you kiss me?"

"Same reason," He answered quietly. "And I couldn't stand letting him have something I didn't."

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and checked Rick's message. He asked where I was, I'd told him I would be at his place ten minutes ago.

I hesitated for a while. I wasn't sure if I could leave Kendall in this state. For some reasons I really wanted too, I had to think about this, make up a plan to handle this and discus this with my boyfriend. But I really wanted to stay too, make sure he was doing okay and see what I could do to help him.

I didn't know how though, I had to think about that. Slowly I pulled my hand away and got up, grabbing my wallet and keys of my nightstand. "Where are you going?" Kendall asked, sitting up on the bed.

"Rick's," I mumbled, now that he looked at me I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes.

"You should stay."

I shook my head, still not meeting his eyes. I feared I actually would stay if I looked at him; Kendall generally got people to do what he wanted them to just by looking at them. "Try to get some rest?" It was the lamest thing I could have said.

I quickly turned and headed for the door, feeling I should get out before it was too late when arms moved around my middle, pulling me back against a warm chest. "Stay with me, Logie?" He whispered in my ear. "I'll try really hard to be as good to you as he is."

I closed my eyes and tried really hard not to think of how good this felt, how good it has always felt to be close to Kendall. He put his head on my shoulder and leaned his cheek against mine. "You can't tell me you never felt anything, you kissed me back."

Really hard I tried not to think of the kisses, how soft they had been and how careful Kendall had been not to move too far. It hadn't been a scheme to get me to move further than Jo wanted to with him; he had wanted me because he liked me. He'd tried so hard to get into the things I liked, to spend time with me. All the reading was so I would talk to him again, so we would have something in common besides the band.

But Kendall had ignored me first, for months he hadn't spent any time with me. It still hurt that he would do that to me, that he would leave me alone all those months and not once ask me to do something. This was an excuse that explained a lot of the things he did, but it wasn't good enough for me to forgive him for all the time I spend alone. He was supposed to be my friend.

I pulled Kendall's arms away from me, stepping away from him. "It's not enough," I said, walking to the door.

Kendall grabbed my wrist and I looked up at him in surprise. He had tears in his eyes and I didn't think I'd ever seen him look as beaten before in his life. "Don't go."

"And what will happen when I stay?" I asked him.

He opened his mouth to answer, only to close it again after a few seconds. He knew too that I wouldn't cheat on Rick or that I would suddenly be fine with everything he'd done. Staying here made no sense. I saw his eyes flicker hopelessly from my face to the wall and back and how he decided something. Kendall put his hand on my cheek and kissed me. It was really soft, nothing more than his lips brushing mine, and it was so much better than I remembered. "How can you not feel this?" He whispered, taking my face in both his hands to make me look up at him.

"I do."

Kendall's eyes lit up and he smiled a bit. "Then why not stay with me?"

"Because you haven't been my friend in months! Just telling me you're in love with me won't miraculously make me like you too or make everything as it used to be. For a year you didn't make a single effort to hang out with me and as soon as I find someone that makes me happy you interfere and fuck the whole thing up. I don't want to stay with you or be with you or whatever it is you want to happen because all this time you're trying to find a way to deal with your stupid feelings you've left me wondering what I did to you that would make you want to ignore me so much and it goddamn hurts."

Kendall stared at me and I stepped back, putting more distance between us. I watched his arms fall to his sides and his face get the same beaten look on it as before. "I didn't mean to."

"That's not good enough," I told him, slipping my phone and wallet into my pockets and placing my hand on the doorknob. "I'm going now."

"I'm sorry," Kendall said quietly. He was crying now, something I hadn't seen him do since we were little.

I watched him for a moment, but my urge to yell at him quickly subsided when I watched him rub the tears off his cheeks. "I'm too," I answered, "Maybe it would've gone differently if-"

"I know I blew my chance."

I hesitated another moment, still not sure if it was okay to leave him when he was obviously sad and needed a friend, but the choice was made quickly when I thought of how easily this could've all been prevented if he'd just talked. I stepped forward and kissed his cheek, then grabbed my bag and left.

* * *

"Okay." Rick reached out and grabbed the remote, turning off the TV. "Talk to me."

"It's nothing," I told him, keeping my eyes carefully off his face.

"Something is obviously going on. You haven't been paying attention all evening."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. It's nothing important though and I really rather forget about it."

"It's fine, Logan." Rick sat up and took my hands, holding them both. "Want to go to sleep then?"

I nodded and got off the bed, going over to where I'd left my bag. The whole evening I hadn't stopped thinking about Kendall and his sudden revelation. I was afraid that I'd been too hard on him; love supposedly clouded judgment and he had done what he thought was best. I couldn't really fault him for that, could I? But he'd caused me a lot of pain and trouble and to simply forgive him seemed too easy.

I did want to forgive him. I couldn't think of anything I rather wanted since I walked out our bedroom door. Everything had to turn to normal and we had to leave this all behind. But I wasn't sure if we could; Kendall couldn't miraculously get over his feelings and I couldn't forget he told me about them. Being just friends would be really tough on him, maybe not even fair to ask of him.

I grabbed my bag to get out my sleep shirt, but after a brief look at it I realized it was Kendall's. My eyes watered at the thought of our fight and I clutched it tightly, sliding onto the floor. I really didn't want this, all I wanted was to have my friend back and hang out like before, without all the complications.

"It is important," Rick said, sinking down on the floor next to me.

I nodded and quickly blinked the tears away before looking up at him. I didn't want him to see how much this affected me. "I was late because I confronted Kendall about being a jerk and he told me he's in love with me."

I'd expected shock, but Rick merely blinked and moved to lean against the side of his bed. "I can't say I'm surprised."

I looked up at him in surprise. "Did you know?"

"It was a vague idea I had when we just started dating, but after a while I forgot about it."

"Oh."

"What else did he say?"

"He told me he had been for months and threw himself on Jo to forget about it."

"And that got more difficult when I entered the mix, because he couldn't stand watching us together."

"Yeah, I guess," I mumbled. "I was really hard on him."

"What do you mean?"

"I told him about all the time I spent alone the past months and that this excuse wouldn't make up for that. But he just did what he thought was best."

Rick folded his hands in his lap and I was glad he kept his distance now. "I think you shouldn't feel too guilty about it. He needed to hear that."

"Not at that moment. Kendall needed someone to understand, not one who pushed him ever further into misery."

"Logan, I still remember the talk we had after the barbecue and how happy you were to finally talk to your friends again. You are allowed to express your feelings in this situation."

"It didn't get me anywhere."

"Not talking to him wouldn't have gotten you anywhere either."

I stayed quiet for a moment, because that had a little bit of truth to it. "I think that I might have given him false hope," I said quietly. "It's my fault he feels so bad."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because before I met you there was one night I couldn't stand being alone any longer and I asked Kendall if I could sleep with him."

"As in-"

"No! Just to sleep."

Rick smiled sadly. "But it wasn't just the one night, was it?"

I shook my head. "I didn't cheat," I told him. "But it did happen before I met you and in the few weeks before we made it official." I decided not to tell Rick about the kissing. He would definitely be able to tell I'd loved those and I didn't want to hurt him more. "Kendall hoped that I liked him back and didn't know how else to tell him."

"Ah," Rick said quietly. "Is this the thing you had to clear up before announcing we were a couple?"

"Yes. That was also the first time either of us mentioned what was going on."

"He didn't take that well," Rick stated.

"No," I sighed. "He never said anything until tonight. But now I know why he continued coming to me after I stopped getting in with him. I would never have done it if I had known how he felt."

"You didn't know, Logan. Don't blame yourself for his struggles."

"I should've noticed. He's my best friend."

"He's been ignoring you for months. Again, you were really sad when you talked to me after the barbecue. You're forgiven for not noticing."

I bit my lip and looked down. Rick was right, but I still felt I was partly at fault. I had assumed Kendall wanted to spend all his time with Jo, while he had been trying to avoid being near me because it hurt. "He could've told me how he felt."

"Would you have done that if you thought you had no chance with the person?"

"Probably not," I murmured.

"I wouldn't either," Rick mused, folding his hands over his stomach. "Where does this leave us?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, now you know how Kendall feels about you, don't you want to see how things play out with him?"

He thought my feelings for Kendall were mutual. I looked up at him to tell him he was wrong and I only had feelings for him, but as I opened my mouth I realized it was an automatic reaction to defend my choice to get together with him. A huge part of my reason to date Rick was so I would see my friends again. Seeing Kendall again. I had often thought of how good Kendall looked and how amazing kissing him was. But I wasn't in love with him, right?

"I'm not in love with Kendall."

"Perhaps."

"I'm really not. He's been a jerk to me for months."

Rick nodded slowly. "Kendall didn't handle the situation very well, but I don't think that changes how you feel about him. How you've always felt."

I studied the carpet between my feet and kept quiet. Kendall's betrayal did hurt way more than James' and Carlos' had ever felt. Before LA Kendall never left me, James and Carlos often left to go do more exciting things. Kendall always endured my study sessions or science fairs in order to hang out with me. That he had been the one to ignore me was way more painful than it should've been.

But I couldn't forgive him for the pain I felt the last months just because he's in love with me. Instead of ignoring me he could've been like he was the past few weeks: nice, clever and caring. If he had just done that, or told me how he felt, I might even have considered dating him.

No. I wouldn't have been open to that back then. I would never have risked our friendship that way.

Rick turned so he was facing me. "Let me tell you how I've seen your situation."

I nodded and pulled my legs up, resting my chin on my knees.

"I really, really liked you from the moment I met you. Though, ever since I met your friends and especially Kendall, I knew I would have to fight really hard for your attention. Not just because they're awesome people with loads of charisma, but also because you hadn't spend any time with them for a long time."

"What has this to do with Kendall?"

"I just got to that part. When I met him and certainly after the barbecue, I knew that I was dealing with someone who was more than a friend to you. Everything he did somehow had something to do with you and his opinion mattered more to you than any of your other friends' did. You might not be in love with him, but you definitely feel something stronger than friendship."

Rick was right. He was so very observant that he had to be. "How can you keep so calm knowing that?"

"Because I've accepted this a long time ago and decided that I wouldn't get too attached to you."

"Is that why you didn't want to have sex?"

He laughed. "Oh, I really wanted to. It would just make this a lot harder. If you'd stayed with me for much longer I would have ended things myself."

I'd known it in the back of my head but hearing the words made it real. This was my last night with Rick. But it was no use to deny my feelings for Kendall any longer. It wasn't fair to Rick, to Kendall or to me. "I'm sorry," I said quietly, moving closer to him. "I would never have gotten involved with you if I'd known-"

"I really liked that in you," He said sadly, "You think of everyone else's feeling before your own. You didn't know, Logie. You didn't hurt me, I'm just sad I've to give you up."

I put my head on his shoulder as he moved his arm around my middle. "You'll find someone really awesome who doesn't have strong feelings for his best friend."

"Eventually," He answered, "I expect you to fix me up if you find him first."

"I'll give it my best shot."

Rick pressed his lips against my temple before getting up. "Come on, I'll bring you home."

"No, Rick. You don't have to."

"Oh, hush. I'll gladly bring my newly ex-boyfriend to his next lover."

I smiled at him and accepted the hand he held out for me. He held onto it all the way back to 2J.

* * *

I stopped walking when I reached the door to 2J and tried to remember what Rick told me. We had discussed how I should handle this situation. He agreed that I should tell him I liked him, but that I also had to talk about my feelings about the time he spent ignoring me. Kendall had to know how much it hurt.

Rick knew exactly how much difficulty I had talking about these my feelings when Kendall was concerned so he had helped me by telling me when to say and how to say what. However, as I stared at the door in front of me I realized I'd forgotten all of it.

I took a deep breath and walked in. The TV was on and James, Lucy, Carlos and Kendall were watching Indiana Jones. They all looked up when I came in, James and Carlos to greet me and express surprise that I was back early and Kendall pulled a face before getting up and leaving the room.

"Something came up," I answered James, "What's up with Kendall?"

"He's been pissed all day, we've no idea why. Maybe something with Jo."

I hummed in response and glanced over at the hallway to our bedrooms. "I'll see what I can do."

"You might not want to, he almost hit Carlos for asking if he was okay," Lucy told me.

I nodded a bit and walked over to my room, quietly opening the door. Kendall was lying on his bed with his back towards me, but he turned over as soon as I closed the door. "Go away."

"No," I answered, dropping my bag with clothes on my bed and starting to unpack it. My heart was pounding out of my chest and I needed to have my hands on something.

"So you break my heart and can't even do me the courtesy of stay away for one night?"

I swallowed heavily. "It appears so."

Kendall sat up and for a moment I was afraid he would get up and hit me, but he stayed in his spot. "Why are you here?"

I had no more clothes to put away, so I turned to face him. "I wanted to talk with you."

"I don't want to."

"I'm sorry you feel that way."

Kendall laughed at that. "Sure. You think it's funny to rub salt in wounds."

"That's not what I'm trying to do."

"Than what are you trying to do?"

"I wanted to see if you were okay and-"

"Of course I wouldn't be okay! The person I've been in love with for the past year and my best friend in the world told me he wanted nothing to do with me and a few hours later he shows up unannounced to talk about it?! You're not allowed to do that to me, no matter how much I hurt you."

"You don't even know what I want to tell you."

"Probably just some bullshit that would make me understand why you handled this way and it would be all true and rational and I'd be forced into acting normally around you and I don't want that yet. So leave me alone, go back to him, and let me sulk all I want."

"I can't go back."

"Logan, for fucks sake!" He yelled and stood up. "I don't want you here, there is nothing you can do for me. Go back to your stupid boyfriend and give me one fucking night to let go of my feelings for you!"

Kendall had always looked terrifying when he was angry, but right behind the scowl and frown I could see tears. I never should've left earlier. "Rick and I broke up."

Kendall came closer so quickly I thought for a moment that he would hit me, but instead he put his arms around my middle and kissed me. I went with it instantly and put my arms around his neck. I'd missed this so much and it felt like coming home.

His smile when he pulled away was the brightest I'd ever seen on him. He took my hand and led me to his bed, pulling me down next to him and holding on tight. "Please tell me this is for real," He murmured, brushing his lips against my forehead before looking down at me.

I nodded and leaned in to kiss him softly. Kendall dug his fingers in my sides and kissed back eagerly. He had always initiated contact and to feel this response to the first kiss I gave him was incredible.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you."

"It's fine," I answered quietly.

"I'll try so hard to make this work," He told me as he placed his lips back against my forehead. "I promise, Logan. I'll never hurt you again."

"Okay," I whispered back, placing my cheek against his chest. Kendall felt safe and the way he held onto me only made that feeling grow. He was the only person I believed when he said something like that. "It really hurt."

"I know," He said quietly, running his fingers through my hair. "I'm so sorry."

"Make it better?" I asked quietly.

"I will," He promised.

For a while neither of us talked, but the longer we lay here the more certain I was this was where I wanted to stay. After a while Kendall loosened his grip and started running his fingers over my side. "I missed this most of all," He whispered, "The first night you slipped in my bed I stayed up for hours, I'd been pining after you for so long and suddenly you were cuddling with me. It was incredible, Logie. I missed you."

I smiled, remembering how good it had felt to lie next to him after so many months without contact. I liked that Kendall had loved that night as much as I had. I moved my head back a bit so I could look at him, only to find his face completely red. "What's up?"

"I'm not usually such a sap," He told me. "Well, you know that, I just-"

I put my hand on his cheek and kissed him, smiling when he responded immediately. "I think it's sweet," I said, loving the smile he gave me.

"You'll stay here tonight, right? I want to wake up with you this time." Kendall bit his lip and looked away. "But only if you want to."

"I want to," I told him quietly. "But just sleeping?"

"Yes," Kendall answered immediately. "Don't worry, I'm not screwing this up by pushing you."

I smiled at him and put my head back against his chest, closing my eyes. Just this was incredible, Kendall felt warm and soft and the way his arms fit around me was perfect. He kept his lips against my forehead and trailed his fingers over my back and it was so nice to just be here with him. Everything had clicked into place.

"I'm so in love with you," He whispered. "You have no idea, Logan."

"Show me," I whispered back.

"Definitely."

Kendall put his hand on my cheek and gently turned my head up, the look in his eyes was so soft and I wondered how I'd never noticed that before. He looked at me while running his thumb over my cheek, leaning in after a few minutes to brush our lips together.

"I could get used to this," I muttered, moving in for another kiss before yawning widely

Kendall laughed and kissed my nose. "Good, lets get pajamas and go to sleep."

We followed our usual routines, but with a lot more touching from Kendall's side. It was as if he had to constantly reassure himself that I was still here and actually wanted this. I finished brushing my teeth first and started changing, feeling Kendall's eyes on me the whole time. It was flattering, but I felt a little bit insecure too. It had never been a big deal to change in front of Kendall before, but the situation was completely different now.

"I'm sorry," Kendall said immediately, when I caught his eyes while pulling on my shirt and he looked down in the sink.

He was never embarrassed about anything and I found it surprisingly sweet to see him like this. I went over and put my hand on his arm, smiling up at him. "You can look, it doesn't bother me."

Kendall grinned back at me and kissed the top of my head. "It still feels strange to be allowed to do so."

"So you did when it wasn't allowed?"

His cheeks turned red again and I laughed at it, earning myself a slight push. "You're making way too much fun of me tonight, go lie in bed already."

I did, still with a smile on my face. This was better than our relationship was before Jo. I'd needed to miss Kendall before realizing that, but I already knew this would last. It would be so easy to be with my best friend; I got all the familiar benefits with the new benefits of a romantic relationship.

Kendall came back into the room and it was my turn to blush. I'd forgotten that he always put his head under the faucet to clean his face before going to sleep, but he'd refrained for drying off and walked into the room shirtless with water dripping down his chest. I focused on the floor next to the bed, refusing to look up until feet entered my vision. "You were looking too," He said happily.

"No I wasn't," I lied.

"Then how did you know not to look?"

I bit my lip as I was caught in my lie and I heard Kendall laugh as he walked over to his dresser to get a shirt. A few seconds later he was back and climbed in bed next to me, pulling me close. "I like that you look at me," He told me. "I don't want to be the only one who peaks."

I smiled as he moved his arm around my waist the same way he did the first night and closed my eyes. It had taken a while, but I finally felt I was in the place I was supposed to be. It didn't matter I wouldn't hang out with James and Carlos as much as before, it would all be okay as long as I had Kendall.


	9. Chapter 9

**Fun little snippit, because I liked where this was going. I've some more ideas, but I'm not sure if I want to do anything with them yet. So this may or may not be the only sequalish chapter. I can't promise anything!**

* * *

I had never been this nervous in my life.

My heart was beating in my throat and my mouth was dry, no matter how much I drank. I hadn't been able to concentrate on anything the whole day, no matter how much I tried. Even Carlos noticed when I was just pushing my food around the plate without eating anything. Mom tried to pry the reason for my restlessness from me, but I had every reason not to tell.

Logan asked me not to.

I grinned involuntarily as I thought about him, all the butterflies in my stomach went wild. Last night had been the worst and the best night of my life. When I finally confessed my feelings to Logan and he turned me down I thought I would never be able to look at him again. I was so ashamed of everything I had done while he was with Rick, but I never felt more pain then when I watched them together and I couldn't help myself at times. All I wanted was to be near him, look at him and make him smile. However, I'd lost myself in my desire for him and went way too far. Of course he didn't want anything to do with me.

I grew cold just thinking of the few hours I thought I'd lost him and I quickly shook it off. Logan came back. He came back and we made up and he agreed to go out with me tonight. I let my head fall back against the wall and dropped the book. I'd been staring at the same page for an hour, but I had yet to read the first word. I had a date, with the fucking love of my life, and it was tonight.

I had it all planned out, I only had one first date with him to make a good impression. It was important. As much as I liked to believe he could love me as much as I loved him, I knew he wasn't nearly there yet. Tonight had to go well, Logan had to see that I wasn't just good for secret kisses in the middle of the night, but real relationship material.

I'd woken up this morning with Logan's head on my chest and I never woken up as rested before. He looked so peaceful asleep and I hoped I would get to see him like that more often. We had talked for a little bit when he woke up and I realized how much I loved just listening to his voice and the things he said.

I'd never felt this weak in the knees around Jo before, but when I saw Logan all I could think of was him. I wanted him to feel good, I wanted to see him smile and laugh. I thought his eyes were the most beautiful thing and I loved to see them all shiny and bright.

We had eaten a quick breakfast together and agreed to go out tonight before Logan had left for the library. He had kissed me while going out. I smiled to myself as I thought of that last kiss and how close we had gotten to being discovered already. Carlos came out of his room two seconds later.

He had been gone almost the whole day and I was a little nervous he wouldn't come back in time for our date. I wanted this so badly even the slightest chance of him backing out made my heart ache. A date with Logan was a dream come true.

I got up and checked my nightstand to see if the tickets were still there. I'd bought these months ago with every intention to take Logan, but this timing was perfect and it would be amazing as a date. He would love it, I was sure of it. I'd already prepared all I needed to make it perfect. All the food, drinks and a blanket were already in the car.

I just needed Logan and we could go.

The front door opened and I jumped to my feet, rushing back to the bed to get my book. Logan didn't need to know I'd been restlessly wandering the apartment since he'd gone away. I sat against the side and held the book in my lap, pretending to read just when he came through the door. "Hey," I said, looking up with a smile.

Logan was holding a huge pile of thick books and I quickly got up to help him. "Thank you," He answered gratefully when I relieved him. "Put them on my desk?"

I did, turning around in time to see him take more books out of his backpack. "What do you need this many books for?" I asked incredulously.

"I want to read up on my classes for first semester."

"And these are all the books you've to read? You'll never have enough time to finish them all."

"I've actually already worked through most of them, I just have to freshen up."

I stared at him for a moment, amazed by my little friend. "Logan, you keep surprising me."

Logan looked up at me with a small smile and a blush on his cheeks, placing the last books next to the first pile. "So what are we doing tonight?"

"It's a surprise," I told him, watching his smile get wider and his eyes shine. Logan was so beautiful.

"Okay! What time are we leaving? Can I still shower?"

"You can, we don't have to leave for an hour or so."

"Anything special I have to wear?"

Logan looked amazing in anything, but for tonight he didn't need to wear anything fancy. "Something comfortable would do."

"I like comfortable."

I smiled at him, carefully moving my arms around his middle. My heart was back in my throat and it took everything to keep my hands from shaking. Logan didn't react badly though, he moved his arms around my neck and stepped closer so our chests were touching. I wanted to kiss him, but this was still so new that I didn't know if I was allowed to yet.

"You can, you know," Logan said, shaking me from my thoughts. He looked amused and I realized I must have been staring at him for a while.

I felt my cheeks heat up at the thought of how stupid I must have looked. This was not a great way to begin a relationship with him. It really didn't help either when he started laughing at me. "Shut up," I grumbled.

"Make me."

Logan looked up at me with slightly raised eyebrows and very obviously daring me to do something about it. It was as much unnerving as it was hot and I hadn't expected this from my usually timid friend. It called to me though, the way he challenged me. And I wouldn't be myself if I didn't dive in head first.

I caught his lips in a soft kiss, loving the way his arms tightened around my neck to pull me closer. It was so easy to lose myself in him, even after desiring him for so long I hadn't thought it would be this amazing. Logan parted his lips slightly and I didn't need another invitation to make out with him. So far I had just been careful and kissed him closed mouthed, in an almost platonic way. This was different.

I held onto Logan as I started walking towards the closest bed, falling onto it with him on top of me. He grinned at me momentarily before pressing his lips back to mine. If I'd know how hot making out with him was I never would've held back as much. I mean, every time my lips locked with Logan's was fantastic, but this was...

I moved my hands down to his hips, finding a small stroke of skin peeping from under his sweater vest and Logan faltered a moment. I grinned at how obviously he liked that and moved my hands further up his back, enjoying the way he shivered and pressed closer.

I took my chance to flip us over, moving my lips down his jaw and neck. To my surprise Logan's head fell to the side and he panted a curse when my lips met his pulse point. He moved one of his hands in my hair and grabbed tightly, but it didn't keep me from exploring how sensitive this spot was. I licked and bit softly at first, loving the sounds he made right next to my ear.

I took it as a sign to continue and marked the right spot with my tongue before sucking on it hard. Logan whimpered, almost pulling my hair out when he pulled me closer. I'd seen a hickey on him once and it still made my heart burn in jealousy, leaving my own mark now seemed fair.

"Kendall," Logan moaned, pressing his hips up against mine. I was very pleased to find him hard, as the sounds he made had done the same for me. I growled in response and moved away from his neck, pressing my lips along his jaw. I pulled away from him to look in his eyes, smiling when I saw his cheeks flushed and his eyes wide open in pleasure. I could see he enjoyed this, but behind the happy sparkle I saw just the tiniest sliver of doubt and fear. Logan didn't want to continue this yet.

I kissed him softly and I could feel his surprise, but after adjusting he followed my lead. Slowly I rolled onto my side, holding him close as I kept kissing him, until he was lying comfortably against me. I prided myself on smoothly going from making out to just snuggling and by the way Logan melted against me I knew I handled right.

I pressed my lips to his forehead and closed my eyes. It was wonderful to just have him as close as I did now. For so long it had just been a farfetched daydream, but it was actually happening now. Logan pressed his cheek against my chest and I moved my chin on top of his head. "Kendall, I think I really like you."

My heart melted and I pulled him in tighter. I was so in love with him and hearing him say that was incredible. It didn't matter it was not an actual declaration of love, he would get there eventually. "I love you," I murmured.

Logan moved his head up a bit to look at me. "Really?"

I nodded, placing my hand on his cheek. "Yeah."

"It's strange to hear from you."

"You'll get used to it," I told him quietly, nuzzling our noses together.

"I will," He agreed. Logan sighed softly and moved his hand up my back. "Where are we going?"

"It's still a surprise, Logie," I chuckled.

"You suck."

I hummed, thinking back to the work I did on his neck. "You might want to wear a high collar when you leave the room."

"Ah men," He whined, rubbing his neck. "I can't explain that if someone sees it."

"Don't let anyone see it."

"You're a genius," He said dryly.

"I know, right." I moved my hand down to his neck, rubbing my thumb over the red spot. After the first time Logan came back from Rick's with a hickey, he had tried his best to keep them from sight. It was really obvious when he did, so I always knew when my nemesis left a mark on the love of my life. It drove me mad with jealousy. "I like it."

"Why?"

"Because it's mine," I answered. "It sucked to see hickeys from Rick on you."

"Aw, Kendall," He whispered. Logan kissed me softly and curled closer. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it," I mumbled, rolling onto my back. I loved how easily Logan adjusted to our new position and kept as close as he was before.

I could tell Logan wanted to talk about it more, but he kept himself from it. Instead he put his hand over my heart and closed his eyes, sighing softly. I didn't want to sulk now, not on my first day together with Logan. This was supposed to be an amazingly happy time with lots of laughing and kissing involved. Not that I didn't appreciate the way he snuggled with me now, but I wanted to see him smile.

"Come," I said, sitting up. "Let's get ready. I don't want to sulk on my first day with you."

Logan nodded and sat up too, but wrapped his arms around my neck. "You know you're allowed to feel bad, right?"

I smiled and hugged him back. "Thanks, Logie. But I really want to have an awesome first date and pouting about things that happened is not part of that."

"Then let's go do that."

I hummed in response, but moved my arms down to his middle and put my cheek on his head. The feeling of his little body against mine was the best in the world and I was not about to waste any hug I got from him. "In a minute," I answered quietly.

* * *

Half an hour later I was waiting by the door for Logan, who was working on getting his shoes on. I was so excited to go out with him that I could hardly stand still and the nervous fluttering from this afternoon was back as well, making it even harder. It almost seemed like he was stalling.

Just thinking that made my insides grow cold. He wanted to have this date, right? Logan agreed to go and half an hour ago we were making out, but did he have a change of heart while he was in the shower? The moment I wanted to ask him about it he stood up and grabbed a vest. "I'm ready."

"Where are you going?" Carlos wandered from his room to the kitchen, sipping on his slurpy and undoubtedly on his way to get more food.

"Just food and a movie," I answered, praying he already had plans.

"Awesome! Can I come? Stephanie is on set the whole night." My short fried pouted.

"Uh," I glanced over at Logan, desperately trying to come up with an excuse not to invite him. "We kinda-"

"Yeah, you should join!" Logan said happily and I felt my heart sink in my shoes. Did he really not want to have this date with me? "We're going to see the new IMAX 3D-"

"Avengers? Dead pool! The Incredibles!"

"-documentary on whales at the science museum!"

"You know what? I just forgot about that thing James asked me to do later, you guys go together." Carlos rushed back to his room.

Logan looked up at me with a grin and my heart melted at the sight of his happy face. "Wanna go now before James shows up too?" He asked.

"Yeah." I held the door open for him and followed him out, feeling some of the worry wash away. He kept Carlos from coming, so he still wanted to be alone together. I smiled to myself as I felt my heartbeat speed up. This could be amazing. No, our first date would definitely be amazing.

The walk to the car was silent and I had a hard time thinking of a subject to talk about. I wanted to ask about him and how he was doing, but I didn't know how to in public without making it obvious we were more than friends.

I was glad to get in the car and get on our way. "What do you want for dinner?" I asked Logan.

"I thought you had a whole plan."

"I have, for what comes after food."

"Okay. How much time do we have?"

I thought about that for a moment. "About an hour."

"Can we go to the mall for Chinese? You can get tacos."

I smiled and glanced at him through the mirror. Logan loved Chinese and he knew I hated it, this way we both got something easy we liked. "Sure."

"Where are we going?"

"It's still a surprise, Logie."

"Ah men. Can you give a hint?"

"Hmm. I don't know how to without giving away too much."

"Can I guess? Then you can tell me if I'm close or not!"

My resolve melted to warm goo in the pit of my stomach at his excitement. "Okay."

"We're going to a movie theater."

"No, not really."

"Does not really mean I'm close?"

"Maybe."

"So either movie or theater has something to do with what we're doing?"

I shrugged, grinning widely when I saw him frown. "I'm not making it too easy, you'll figure it out anyway."

"Is it that show in the science museum on Whales? Because I was joking earlier but that would be awesome."

I chuckled and shook my head. "We'll go there next time."

"Are you just boldly assuming we will have a second date?"

"Uh, no." All of a sudden the nervous flustering from before came back. "No, I just- well, if we have a second date we could go..."

"Kendall, I was kidding," He said quickly. "Sorry, I didn't think you would actually believe that."

"Oh. It's fine."

"Are you really this worried that this won't work out?"

I nodded and kept my eyes on the road. As much as I liked to believe that Logan could eventually be mine, I couldn't do that because I'd spent so much time believing he would never want to have anything to do with me.

I jumped when I felt Logan's hand on my arm, sliding it down to lace our fingers together. "Sorry, I keep bringing the mood down. Let's go back to that guessing game of yours."

"I'm glad you tell me these things," He said quietly, ignoring my request. "I like knowing what goes on in your head and I want to know what I can do to make it better."

I rubbed my thumb over the back of his hand and felt some of the tension leave my body. "Thank you."

"And we will have a second date. Even more if you ask me."

I pulled into the parking lot and found a spot quickly, I pulled Logan in a hug as soon as I turned the car off. "Good," I murmured, pressing my lips to the skin below his ear. Logan slipped his arms around my neck and melted against me, his fingers gripping my shirt.

"Kendall, I broke up with Rick to be with you. I wouldn't do that if I didn't already have feelings for you."

I smiled and kissed him again, dreading the moment we would get out of the car. "I love you."

Logan looked up at me with a blush and a small smile and I brushed our lips together softly, savoring the feeling. "Kendall, we can't in public," He whispered to my lips, but made no move to pull away.

I sighed and settled for pulling him back into a hug. "Thankfully we don't have to worry about that tonight."

"That sounds good."

I nodded and glanced at the time, we would have to get out if we wanted to be on time. "We've to get food."

Logan nodded too and pulled away, looking down. I reached in the glove compartment to get out my wallet and wanted to leave, but my date stopped me with a hand on my arm. "Let's be open about what we feel," He said quickly. "Like we just did. Maybe it will keep you from feelings so insecure and it helps me trust you again."

"That sounds good," I agreed. "You'll talk to me too, right? I've a lot to make up to you."

"I will."

"Let's go eat now, we don't have much time left."

"But enough for dessert?"

"You won't need dessert," I chuckled, getting out of the car.

"So what we're doing involves desert?" He asked happily. I

"More or less."

Logan frowned. "I can't make anything from that."

I laughed. "You'll find out soon enough."

* * *

We ate dinner on a bench in the mall and talked a bit about Logan's plans for college. The more he said about it the more I wished I would get into the same college. The idea of being so far apart and having to travel between LA and Palo Alto a lot, wasn't pleasant at all.

I took Logan to get ice cream anyway, because desserts were just his thing and he rarely went without one. We were in the car again and I was trying to remember how to drive while thinking of his sudden silence. He had been excited while we drove to the mall, but I could tell he was nervous now. I wondered if it had something to do with saying we'd be alone after dinner.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," He answered, but I noticed he sounded a bit hesitant. "We're pretty far from town."

"I'm not kidnapping you," I joked, smiling at him through the mirror. "There will be other people around, I get no chance to."

He smiled back at me and he relaxed a bit more, sitting back against his seat. "Are we nearly there?"

"Just a few minutes."

I'd already spotted the sign that would reveal my surprise, but Logan had missed it so far. I hoped he wouldn't look out too much until we had actually reached out destination. I really wanted to see his face when he realized, Logan would be so excited.

I saw the exit and turned right, smiling when I saw Logan sit up from the corner of my eye. "It's a drive in cinema!"

"Yeah," I chuckled, reaching in my pocket to show the tickets at the gate and driving onto the crowded parking lot.

"What movie are they playing?"

"Movies," I corrected. "The first three from Star Wars."

"No way! How did you get tickets for that?!"

"I bought them a month ago and I was planning to take you anyway, but this worked out even better."

"Thank you," He said happily.

"I'm glad you like it."

"I love it, you couldn't have picked a better movie for my first drive in."

"Good, because I have tickets for the next three too, somewhere next month."

Logan leaned in and kissed my cheek. "You're incredible."

I grinned, feeling my heart beat faster. "Come sit in the back with me?"

He nodded and I climbed over, turning to lend him a hand and to pull him close. I pulled the hood half way up, creating a secluded little corner just for us, and pulled a blanket out of the bag behind my chair. "You're well prepared," Logan commented, leaning against my chest as I covered him in the blanket.

"You don't know half of it," I said as I pulled out chocolate milk for both of us, handing him a bottle. "I got salted caramel chocolate for me, mini donuts for you and popcorn to share."

"No! That's my favorite chocolate!"

I laughed and hugged him to me tighter. "The chocolate is for you, I'll have the donuts."

Logan smiled up at me and I loved the way his eyes shined now. He was so beautiful, with the soft glow on his cheeks and his lips a bit crooked and how deep his eyes were. Jo had never looked like this.

"What are you thinking of when you look like this?" He asked quietly.

"You."

Logan stared at me for a moment, another blush covering his cheeks. I leaned in and pressed my lips to his lightly, closing my eyes and forgetting about everything else going on. I placed my hand on his cheek to keep him close and my heart skipped a beat when Logan put his arm around my neck and leaned closer.

I loved these kisses. Soft, gentle and sweet, very simply brushes of our lips together and so romantic. Sharing them with Logan was what made them perfect. Yesterday around this time I would never have believe I would be kissing him like this. I smiled at the thought, this was the best thing that ever happened to me.

"Why are you smiling?" Logan whispered between kisses.

"Because I'm really happy to be here with you." I moved my arms down to his middle, loving the way his body fit against mine. It was perfect. He was perfect.

Logan pulled away a bit to look in my eyes, the now familiar sparkle was still in his. "It's so easy to be with you."

I smiled, moving my hands up and down his sides. "It is."

Logan kissed me again but looked up when the music started, a wide grin spreading on his face. "It's starting!" He turned around and settled between my legs, snuggling close. I made sure to cover him with the blanket before wrapping my arms around him. This was perfect.

I had never been on a better date before. It was wonderful to look down and see Logan's soft raven hair or to hear him laugh about something in the movie. We were half way the third movie, during the first two movies we had stuffed our faces with all the food I brought and now Logan just wanted to cuddle. I didn't care as long as I got to be near him.

I moved my hand to his stomach and caressed softly, placing my chin on his head. "That feels nice," Logan whispered.

I smiled and kissed the side of his head, keeping on my administrations to his belly. Logan turned his head to rest his cheek against my chest and I noticed how his eyes were falling close. It melted my heart to see him comfortable enough to fall asleep here with me.

I was almost sad that we would have to go home soon. Logan would likely crawl in bed with me again so I wouldn't have to say goodbye to him, but this place was so comfortable and fun and I wished we could just stay here for the rest of the night. I was glad we would get to do this again.

It took a while before I noticed that Logan had actually fallen asleep. He had been so relaxed lying against me the whole night that this hadn't been much different. I wondered if he had done this with Rick. Probably he did, but I liked to think I could be better than the pretty blonde boy.

I would show Logan that I loved him more and knew more about him and could do more for him than Rick could. I had seen them together and I knew Rick had been a perfectly good guy with great intentions and he was really good to Logan. I hated him for it, because it was exactly the way I would be in a relationship with my little friend. The way I was.

I wondered what Logan's reason had been to break up with Rick for me. Today he said he had feelings for me, and really liked me, but as far as I'd seen he had gotten really close to the other boy. Perhaps he had thought about breaking up with Rick anyway and had I just not noticed it wasn't working for them anymore.

Logan shifted and sank in the gap between me and the seating, resting his head on my chest. It was the sweetest thing and I decided not to worry about Rick anymore tonight. Logan was here with me and he was obviously comfortable, I had nothing to be concerned of.

I put my cheek on his head and closed my eyes, happy to sleep with him for twenty more minutes. "Sleep tight, love."

It didn't last nearly as long as I'd hoped. I think I actually slept, but it seemed only a few minutes later that I woke up. The movie was finished though and the last cars around us were leaving. "Logie," I muttered, shaking him gently. "We've to go."

He frowned and pressed his nose against my shirt. It was so adorable that I almost wanted to leave him be and just stay here for the night. "I don't want to leave either, but they will close the terrain soon."

Logan sighed and peaked up at me, his sweet eyes softening a bit when they met mine. "Fine."

I kissed his nose and sat up, taking him with me. "It's only a short drive, we'll go to sleep at home."

"It's two am, there's not much else to do."

"There's plenty else to do," I answered cockily, but I regretted the bold move immediately.

Logan laughed though, and I relaxed. "Pervert."

"I try."

Logan climbed back to the front and I couldn't help admire his butt. At some point I really wanted to touch that, but I would refrain myself for now. I didn't want to scare him off and I loved anything we did together, I could wait for that a long time. "It's really obvious when you're checking me out."

I grinned and went after him, sliding into the driver's seat. "How can I not?"

Logan smiled and blushed, keeping his eyes down in his lap. He'd laughed so much tonight. I put my hand on his cheek and pulled his head up, kissing him softly. It didn't matter that we were in full view or that he was exhausted; it was perfect, our date had been perfect and he was perfect.

"Let's go home," I whispered.

He nodded silently and I reached up to lock the hood in place, it was chilly out now. I reached in the back to get the blanket, handing it to Logan. He loved warmth.

I started the car and drove off the terrain, hoping the drive back would be fast so I could crawl in bed with my Logie sooner rather than later. As soon as we were back on the main road a soft hand slipped in mine. "This was an amazing date," He said quietly.

"I'm glad you think so." I rubbed my thumb over the back of his hand. "I loved it as well."

"We'll have more of these." Logan yawned widely.

The drive home was mostly silent and by the time I turned into the last street Logan had fallen asleep again. I found a parking spot near the entrance and took out my keys, before going over to the passenger side. I wasn't sure if I could still do this, or all the way up to 2J, but I wanted to try.

I put my arms behind his back and below his knees, lifting him out of the car fairly easily. Logan was still out cold as I carried him through the lobby. His head bobbed against my chest as I walked and he was getting heavier by the second, but I was sure I could make it to our room.

I did, after struggling with the front door for some time and nearly tripping over a shirt Carlos left lying around. I put him on my bed and took off his shoes, hesitating as I looked at his jeans. For sure no one wanted to sleep in jeans, but I wasn't sure if Logan would be comfortable when I took them off of him.

I didn't have to worry about it for long; Logan grimaced and opened his eyes a tiny bit. "Hey Logie, come change into pajamas real quick," I said quietly, taking his hand to help him sit up.

"How did I get here?" He muttered, leaning on me heavily when he started walking.

"I carried you. Here." I handed him a blue pair of pajamas and grabbed a shirt for me, going into the bathroom to give him a moment to himself.

I brushed my teeth quickly and pulled on my sleeping shirt. Logan was already in bed by the time I got back, but still awake. I smiled when he scooted back to make place and moved his arm around my middle to keep close. "You're sweet," I whispered and kissed his forehead, moving my arms around him.

"Kendall, I really liked today," He said softly.

"Me too."

"Want hang out tomorrow?"

I moved my lips to his nose. "Sure."

"I want to bake chocolate chip cookies."

"Okay," I chuckled.

"But we'll smuggle them out of the apartment before Carlos finds out and eat them somewhere together."

"That sounds great, love."

Logan kept quiet after that and I thought he was falling asleep. "Say that again."

"What?"

"Love."

I glanced down at him, kind of surprised when I saw how red his cheeks were and how hard he was trying not to look up at me. My heart swell two sizes and I couldn't think of anything I wanted to do more than be here with him. I nuzzled his nose and captured his lips softly, kissing him just for a moment. "Goodnight, love."

Logan curled close and buried his face in the crook of my neck, relaxing only when he couldn't go any further. For so long I thought I would never have this again, that he would never want to be with me or even see me as more than his friend. Now I could feel his body melt against mine as he fell asleep, feel the soft warmth from his body and smell his incredible scent.

"I'm so in love with you," I murmured in his hair. "It doesn't matter how much time you need to trust me or what you ask me to do because I'll never ever let you go."

I closed my eyes and thought of how ever dream I had of him could actually come true. Someday we would tell our friends and family so I wouldn't have to hide him and we could hold hands in public. Someday we would find a place together and I would have him around me all day, every day and it would be just him. Someday Logan would cuddle with me without PJ's so I could feel his skin against mine. Someday we would make love and I would get to see the pleasure on his face I inflicted and hear the excited moans in anticipation of what would come.

Someday he would tell me he loved me too.

I had never been as happy to fall asleep.


End file.
